Sunday, October 19, 2008
I'm on the line between screaming out profanity after profanity, or retreating in one corner, licking my many bleeding wounds.
If one could see the inside of my head, it would be no better than a bloody warzone. If you asked me, I wouldn't know what's right from wrong inside. Nor would I have the will to fight back. Thoughts fly around like bullets, while artillery fire pounds deeper into my head. The war is spiralling out of control. Every minute I'm slowly losing control of my thoughts, my decisions my emotions.
It all started out as something so simple, yet now like the vicious circle it truly is, is holding me captive inside.
I suppose I could only blame it on my stupidity, or being naive, for that matter.
I had always hoped that somehow things would be different, but it never strays from the path which cuts me deeper and deeper each time.
To most, love is probably a game, and to that extent it's true.
I did an entire group of articles on chasing girls, the tips and tricks, trade secrets, pretty much the whole 9 yards. For one of my clients, back when I was still chunking out article after article and researching my ass off for cash. I think I still have those somewhere in my computer.
But for me I believe that love is something that I want to share with a significant other, not treating it like a damn game.
Someone whom I can love and care for, someone whom I can share my troubles with and hers with me, someone whom I can take an entire night to do up our anniversary present and still think it's all worthwhile, someone whom I can snuggle with close at night and whisper "I love you" into her ear, someone I can actually cook for, or go to the other end of Singapore at 3am in the morning just to get her favorite food, someone to die for, to make sure that it's all worthwhile.
Yet, in all my love life I never had the chance to do a single one of them. Never.
I must be naive then, to still be thinking love could actually be this way.
In fact, I'm dreaming aren't I?
I think I am. Lies. Myths. Deceptions.
For me though, there will never be love again.
Never again will I stoop so low as to love, or to want to love.
Someone, prove me wrong. Please.
I guess that does my ranting for now.
Stuff to pack, reports to do, people to meet, more opportunities to uncover.
Busy busy busy, all in the comfort of NS.
What a deal.
Time to kick start this venture into high gear.
And before I end,
FUCK.
Now thats better.
hahaha.
Same ole same ole.
//1:15 AM//
