Friday, November 14, 2008
And so I'm back.
As SW said in my board, my laptop screen suddenly died.
I was like What The Fuck.
No, really.
So just got a new custom com, so far so great. (:
But many many things have happened since then, but well life goes on.
Life goes on.
Can't let a few setbacks push me from my dreams right? =)
I still have so many things I want to do,
so much money to make,
so many dreams to achieve.
Ah yes, the world will be mine.
Hope that special someone comes along my way soon (:
It gets lonely, both at home and in camp.
I just wished for a real love at times.
Anybody wanna be my girlfriend? lmao.
Ah well.
Something I just wrote below, to my other self.
Which I assume to be my alter egos, or something.
Beautiful depression of mine.
If such is my life, if such is my petty fate.
Then I would rather not live at all.
For what is the use of living dear friends,
if we only face hurt, pain, and an ever growing longing that can never be satisfied.
If our days were spent drinking, puffing and wasting ourselves away,
if the minutes of our lives were spent on regret after regret,
and woulda, coulda, shoulda.
Then what is the use of the future then?
What is the purpose for our very living, our very existence?
When the past has pain that refuses to let go,
when the present overwhelms us with chaos and turmoil,
and when the future paints a nightmare of paranoia and fear.
What then is there to live for my dear friends?
And of all you should know best, for the number of you,
you have been in my head the entire time.
You have spoken to me, guided me, led me by the hand through uncharted waters.
In all, you have been the voice of assurance, the food for my spirit which was crying out for.
You have given me peace, you have given me promises of love, you have satisfied a longing I never knew I had, but most of all, you have been leading me into this fiery pit in hell, where my soul shall burn and wither away like the nothingness it first came from.
Oh how I have been fooled, how I have been deceived, how I have been fucked.
Oh, irony has taken on a new meaning.
You are killing me, all of you. Every single one of you I know.
I am like a sheep, waiting to be slaughtered,
and all of you in the shadows, waiting, like thieves in the night.
Yet when I see you I smile and hug you, knowing full well I am walking into my death.
My dear dear friends, thank you for giving me the chance to ruin my fucking life.
Thank you for making me into the person I am, for helping me lose the people I love, for making love to be nothing but mere lies.
When it was so blatantly obvious the fault was mine time after time,
you assured me it wasn't so.
Now my friend, your facade has fallen, your acting fallen short,
I see who you really are,
even if you are in just my head and my head alone.
I will kill you.
I will torment you for the pain you have caused me.
I will fuck you over and over and over till you are dead,
even if it means killing myself to do that.
Ah, sweet sweet depression, how I miss thee.
//6:37 PM//
