Sunday, November 30, 2008
Ok I'm pissed.
Let's see, I've gotten stay out which essentially is an 8-5 thing in camp (somewhat).
So, I'm just waiting to see the specialist, in which she flares up and says what for?
I didn't really get much of a chance to explain.
Ever since I had gotten stay out, I can say that I'm a much happier and confident person.
I seriously don't mind doing hard work, or contributing to whatever needs to be done, because at the end of the day, I can go back home to my life, where I'm actually in control. In fact I've been feeling less moody have greater motivation to finish up the work.
In camp, there's really nothing much to do at all. In fact, it's utterly depressing and having a tight leash on you, being trapped and having no way out. Yes that's exactly how I feel. Like a dog in a cage with a rein so tight it's almost strangling me. But it's not as if I had a choice, it's not as if I chose to serve this country. My 2 businesses are starting off, plans are going well, and I need to focus my attention on those. Spending a week in camp, unable to go home, plan and confirm a meeting with my associates or drop by the office will drive me insane, seriously.
And at least I'm doing something about it. People grumble and complain on and on. Ok I do complain, but at least I'm taking steps to make it better, at least I'm taking steps to fight this fucking depression inside of me. I'm not sitting around waiting for the world to drop, I'm controlling the strings that control the world, my world.
Look mum, you won't understand, and probably won't anytime soon.
My businesses are my life, they are my drive, and my motivation. if you were to force a complete halt on them, I swear I'd rather slit my own throat, because frankly there isn't a lot of things to live for in life. Or my life, but whatever. I have big dreams and bigger ambitions. Hell, you're gonna have to kill me before you take my drive away.
In camp, it's hard enough for me not to be there at any meetings or gatherings physically and as a leader, as a partner, it's what I demand of myself, nothing less than that. Now I'm pretty sure you get the point, so I shall not continue further.
It doesn't matter if you don't wanna believe me, in fact I don't care if anyone doesn't.
All the world's a stage, and all the men and women actors.
You called me a disappointment? Fine.
No really though, I'm terribly terribly sorry (and I do emphasize on terribly) if my idea of being a success in life is not to study study study, find a job and slog the day until I die. No that's stupid, and really fucked up.
You just wait and see what I can and will achieve.
I'll just list them out now.
1) By end Dec 2009, I will be making a regular income of at least 5 figures a month.
2) I will have a full DJ Rig.
3) Buying an S15 with Mark next year :D
4) And let's not forget my driving license.
Only 4 of them, but those are my goals, parts of my dream I want to achieve for this year alone.
And what I say, I will do, or earlier even.
Can't my own mother even give me the support in this?
I have plenty of people supporting me, working with me.
But to have your own mother bring you down like that.
So what if in NS I'm just a small fry?
NS is nothing in the outside world.
Even if I achieve something great inside, so what?
It does not equate to success outside, and vice versa.
Perhaps you've tried to talk me out of all this,
or dissuade me even.
But it's not working.
It will only make my strong will even stronger.
And nothing will step in the way of my ambitions.
//7:52 PM//
