Fix me

2009-08-20T20:24:00.002+08:00

If a man dares to dream, they label him as a lunatic.
If he dares not venture out of his castle, they label him a coward.
If a man fears, they laugh.
If he's courageous, they taunt.
If he believes in his own abilities more than anything else, they break him down.
The man has nowhere to go, caught up in the complexity of his own thoughts.
So, where is he now?
Is he still fighting to find the passion deep inside himself that he once embraced?
Or has he been utterly defeated, killed by his very dreams and ambitions?

He has been fighting an unknown enemy.
No.. Wait. I.
I have been fighting an unknown enemy, which seems to feed on my fears, manipulate my mental stability, and manifest in my dreams. I am breaking down, and I'm trying to hold on. I'm trying. But it isn't working.
Everything's falling apart at the seams, while I'm sitting down, powerless to do anything. It's like watching your own demise unfurl before your very eyes. Hearing your own screams, looking into your own bloodshot eyes. It's demonic poetry.

God where are you in this?
Why have you forsaken me?
God, if you truly cared, strike me down now.
KILL ME GOD. PLEASE. I IMPLORE YOU.
TAKE THIS PAIN, THIS STRESS, THESE DEEP REGRETS AWAY.
Just do it. Before I do it myself.

To any of my readers who still read this blog.
I'm not writing this for sympathy, you can fucking keep it.
I'm not trying to do anything special, you motherfuckers are not worth it.
Don't try and portray any masks of empathy, acting as if you've been through my shit or you've been through worse.
Spare me your pathetic life stories.
I don't need any of those right now.

Hell, I'm at my breaking point.
What do I care?
It's either I slowly die off, or I become stronger.
The latter seems strangely impossible.
I do wonder.

2009-07-02T01:31:00.002+08:00

This blog was/is dead.
Time to revive it. (3 cheers!)

I need to change everything, bloody outdated.

Anyohhow, been really busy.
SAF Day just ended, so all that's left is NDP, which yours truly is involved.

I won't too much about the other aspects of my life, since I am in no mood, and the walls have ears, or in this case, bytes.

...... never mind.

I should have pictures of my number 1 uniform (:
Or maybe not, geez.

It's getting more and more depressing.
Just how long more before I snap?
God, I miss her.
I fucking miss her.

2009-03-23T22:37:00.002+08:00

My goals!

By end of 2009. (Which is this year)

1) Earning a minimum 5 figure salary.
2) Getting my s15, with license of cos. :p

That's bout it for now. Mid term goals (:

Life is good.

Puff after puff. (:

2009-03-06T22:07:00.002+08:00

Good day mates.

I wouldn't under any normal circumstances blog.

But under the constant nagging of *ahem* GEORGINA aka NANA, here I am.

So what can I say about my life so far since the last time I blogged? (Which was eons ago by the way.

NS has been a bitch.
FEAR 2 and Left4Dead has been fun as hell!
I know what it means to really want a dream, create desires and therefore create wealth.
I've gotten more tired everyday, sadly.

Actually, a lot of things really.

Sometimes I wonder, what is love?
I think it about for a day or 2, before settling into the conclusion that it is just a lie.
Maybe I'm right. haha.

But apart from that, if anyone didn't know me or talk to me recently.

I picked up a habit.
And yes, you will be shocked.
Because normally, I wouldn't have done it. lol.
hahahah.

So meet me! (:

Yes I'm talking to you. NANA. heh.

2008-12-16T23:00:00.001+08:00

Cast your eye tears on to me
And I'll show you what you really need
Give too much attention
And I'll reflect your imperfections

Purposeless survival
Now there's nothing left to die for
So don't struggle to recognize
Now the cruelly heart-felt suicide

Can't you see it's over ?
Because you're the God of a shrinking universe

2008-11-30T19:52:00.002+08:00

Ok I'm pissed.

Let's see, I've gotten stay out which essentially is an 8-5 thing in camp (somewhat).
So, I'm just waiting to see the specialist, in which she flares up and says what for?
I didn't really get much of a chance to explain.

Ever since I had gotten stay out, I can say that I'm a much happier and confident person.
I seriously don't mind doing hard work, or contributing to whatever needs to be done, because at the end of the day, I can go back home to my life, where I'm actually in control. In fact I've been feeling less moody have greater motivation to finish up the work.

In camp, there's really nothing much to do at all. In fact, it's utterly depressing and having a tight leash on you, being trapped and having no way out. Yes that's exactly how I feel. Like a dog in a cage with a rein so tight it's almost strangling me. But it's not as if I had a choice, it's not as if I chose to serve this country. My 2 businesses are starting off, plans are going well, and I need to focus my attention on those. Spending a week in camp, unable to go home, plan and confirm a meeting with my associates or drop by the office will drive me insane, seriously.

And at least I'm doing something about it. People grumble and complain on and on. Ok I do complain, but at least I'm taking steps to make it better, at least I'm taking steps to fight this fucking depression inside of me. I'm not sitting around waiting for the world to drop, I'm controlling the strings that control the world, my world.

Look mum, you won't understand, and probably won't anytime soon.
My businesses are my life, they are my drive, and my motivation. if you were to force a complete halt on them, I swear I'd rather slit my own throat, because frankly there isn't a lot of things to live for in life. Or my life, but whatever. I have big dreams and bigger ambitions. Hell, you're gonna have to kill me before you take my drive away.

In camp, it's hard enough for me not to be there at any meetings or gatherings physically and as a leader, as a partner, it's what I demand of myself, nothing less than that. Now I'm pretty sure you get the point, so I shall not continue further.

It doesn't matter if you don't wanna believe me, in fact I don't care if anyone doesn't.
All the world's a stage, and all the men and women actors.

You called me a disappointment? Fine.
No really though, I'm terribly terribly sorry (and I do emphasize on terribly) if my idea of being a success in life is not to study study study, find a job and slog the day until I die. No that's stupid, and really fucked up.

You just wait and see what I can and will achieve. I'll just list them out now.

1) By end Dec 2009, I will be making a regular income of at least 5 figures a month.
2) I will have a full DJ Rig.
3) Buying an S15 with Mark next year :D
4) And let's not forget my driving license.

Only 4 of them, but those are my goals, parts of my dream I want to achieve for this year alone.
And what I say, I will do, or earlier even.

Can't my own mother even give me the support in this?
I have plenty of people supporting me, working with me.
But to have your own mother bring you down like that.
So what if in NS I'm just a small fry?
NS is nothing in the outside world.
Even if I achieve something great inside, so what?
It does not equate to success outside, and vice versa.

Perhaps you've tried to talk me out of all this,
or dissuade me even.
But it's not working.
It will only make my strong will even stronger.
And nothing will step in the way of my ambitions.

2008-11-14T18:37:00.006+08:00

And so I'm back.

As SW said in my board, my laptop screen suddenly died.
I was like What The Fuck.
No, really.
So just got a new custom com, so far so great. (:

But many many things have happened since then, but well life goes on.
Life goes on.

Can't let a few setbacks push me from my dreams right? =)
I still have so many things I want to do,
so much money to make,
so many dreams to achieve.
Ah yes, the world will be mine.

Hope that special someone comes along my way soon (:
It gets lonely, both at home and in camp.
I just wished for a real love at times.
Anybody wanna be my girlfriend? lmao.
Ah well.

Something I just wrote below, to my other self.
Which I assume to be my alter egos, or something.

Beautiful depression of mine.

If such is my life, if such is my petty fate.
Then I would rather not live at all.
For what is the use of living dear friends,
if we only face hurt, pain, and an ever growing longing that can never be satisfied.
If our days were spent drinking, puffing and wasting ourselves away,
if the minutes of our lives were spent on regret after regret,
and woulda, coulda, shoulda.
Then what is the use of the future then?
What is the purpose for our very living, our very existence?
When the past has pain that refuses to let go,
when the present overwhelms us with chaos and turmoil,
and when the future paints a nightmare of paranoia and fear.

What then is there to live for my dear friends?
And of all you should know best, for the number of you,
you have been in my head the entire time.
You have spoken to me, guided me, led me by the hand through uncharted waters.
In all, you have been the voice of assurance, the food for my spirit which was crying out for.
You have given me peace, you have given me promises of love, you have satisfied a longing I never knew I had, but most of all, you have been leading me into this fiery pit in hell, where my soul shall burn and wither away like the nothingness it first came from.
Oh how I have been fooled, how I have been deceived, how I have been fucked.

Oh, irony has taken on a new meaning.
You are killing me, all of you. Every single one of you I know.
I am like a sheep, waiting to be slaughtered,
and all of you in the shadows, waiting, like thieves in the night.
Yet when I see you I smile and hug you, knowing full well I am walking into my death.
My dear dear friends, thank you for giving me the chance to ruin my fucking life.
Thank you for making me into the person I am, for helping me lose the people I love, for making love to be nothing but mere lies.

When it was so blatantly obvious the fault was mine time after time,
you assured me it wasn't so.
Now my friend, your facade has fallen, your acting fallen short,
I see who you really are,
even if you are in just my head and my head alone.
I will kill you.
I will torment you for the pain you have caused me.
I will fuck you over and over and over till you are dead,
even if it means killing myself to do that.

Ah, sweet sweet depression, how I miss thee.

2008-11-02T08:46:00.002+08:00

Went out with some of the guys to play overnight lan.

Really needed a break from all this shit.
Didn't drink as much as I wanted to, but oh well,
There'll be plenty of chances.

Smoked again for the first time in like, 3 years?
Might pick up the habit again, maybe not.
Heck, I don't know.
Fucking expensive tho.

It was fun, but time passed too fast.
Way too fast. Shit.
Just a good time to think about all the shit, and growing and learning from it.
I miss u guys, every single one of y'all.

I guess that's it for now.
I wonder why I ain't tired tho,
by right I should wanting to lie on my bed and fall deep into slumber.
But, I don't. Weird.
Ah, as they say, sleep is the cousin of death, so sleep as little as possible xD

For my previous post,
a pathetic account of someone's feelings when there should have been none, given the time between both parties had to know each other?
or poetry in motion?
or simply a moment of my weakness in it's most vulnerable form?
You decide.

This is what I suppose my Archilles' Heel is.
The very essence of which, in spite of all my mental and physical strength,
would lead to my downfall and defeat.

2008-11-01T13:33:00.002+08:00

It has happened again.
So it has.

Lured into a lie by someone I would die for,
and betrayed, thrown aside just like that.
Certainly isn't the first time that had happened, but from her?
So much trust misplaced,
so many lies told,
so much pain, disappointment, hate.

I hate him for wanting her back when she already was mine.
I hate her for leaving me in the dark just like that.
And most of all, I hate myself for falling into such lies, deceptions time and time again.
I hate myself for trusting her,
for wanting to be with her,
for wanting to take care of her,
but most of all,
for wanting to love her.

To recap, I've been calling and messaging her in camp, but she had neither replied nor called back. Till yesterday, I called her phone, and this guy with a falsetto voice picked up. In layman terms, sibei guai lan. Which translates to the moment you hear this motherfucker talk, you wanna beat the shit out of him, and to beat him I wanted. But since I couldn't, I sreamed into my phone: "GO TO FUCKING HELL".
I then shut the phone off and proceeded to fall deeper into my demise.

The motherfucker called back,
of which (thankfully) the other storeman Azim was there.
Just wanna say thanks to Azim and Sgt Adam for being there for me, just talking into some sense when I could find none inside.

What can you do when you feel so much angst inside but no matter what, you can't take it out?
Went to 7-11, met up with a neglected friend, or friends.
Good ole Long island Tea.
Common stuff, and though it's only 11%, the mixture kills, seriously.
Can't remember how many I downed, but plenty of Carlsberg followed soon after.

For a moment in these tiring time, I forgot my pains.
For a moment, I numbed myself from the disappointment.
For a moment, I smiled at nothing and laughed at the slightest things.
For a moment, and not for a long time, I had experienced such dizzy euphoria.
For a moment, I had been taken up to Heaven, and watched pitifully at those below me.
For a moment, her hands were locked onto mine.
For a moment, our lips had touched.
And in a fleeting moment, she was gone.

Of course, getting wasted alone isn't fun.
Thus, if anyone wants to go drinking, call me along.

And I don't know if this is relevant but Eileen i'm sorry.
Sorry for doing something so stupid like that in the first place,
and sorry for not keeping my promise to stop drinking.
I can't get her out of my head,
I can't forgot the memories, tho it was as short as it came.
I can't forget her hands, and how i liked to just hold them tightly,
I can't forget the terribly cute way she flinched when I tried to pinch her nose.
I can't forget her voice.
I can't forget her eyes, for they are forever painted inside my head now.
I can't forget the way we just hugged, and acted like time itself was non-existant.
I can't forget her smses.

I CAN'T FORGET ANY SINGLE GOD DAMN FUCKING THING.
Wound's still fresh, I'm still licking them.
In time, it might heal.
But for now, I hurt.

Probably will be drinking every book out, so if any of you guys wanna drink, call me out.

As an ending, though it hurts like fuck.
Life still has to go on, no?
Still have to adjust in my new unit, in my new vocation.
And my dreams outside, always big, getting bigger,
I just wished I had a girl to share such ambitions and happiness with.

Something I wrote for Nana. Hope she reads it.

For almost all of my love life, I had been nothing but hurt, and betrayed.
One young man's mere dream of finding someone he could share his love with,
shattered time and time again.
With you, I had my reservations, I had my doubts, I saw plenty of shortcomings.
But still, I decided that I would want to love you, no matter what.
Yes, I'm in the army, but I was very willing to sacrifice.
My whole weekends could be burned out just spending time with you,
but that was something I could see myself doing.
In fact, that was something I wanted to do.
I had many many plans for us.
From eating some of the best food in Singapore,
to some of the most beautiful sights, comparable to someone only as beautiful as you.
To just spending the night in a park, looking at the full moon and stars, in each other's arms.

But that is one of my gravest mistakes, of thinking so much about what I could do with you,
that I ruled out the fact completely that you could just leave me, like you did.
I should have been smarter, but I let such feelings and love get in the way of my logic.
To that end, I thank you Georgina, for letting me know that I could still love someone with that same fire and passion as I have did in the past.
And thank you again, for killing it off and letting it die, me with it.
I would never know if I could, or want to love someone with such feelings again,
for it has become a fear, my fear.

I loved you with my whole heart,
yet you left me, broken and bleeding inside.
P.S. I miss you.

Well, back to drinking.
Drowning all my sorrows, in 5 bottles of Long island tea.
And probably some leftover Bailey's and Bombay Sapphire Gin.

2008-10-28T23:43:00.002+08:00

It has been a while.
So it has.

I've been waiting for this moment.
Or moments.
Far too long, way too long.

I've found peace of mind (or at least a part of it)
I've found love (that's still growing)
I've found deeper meanings to my dreams and ambitions (and more to come)

In fact, I need to calm down.
And think.
Life is going somewhat smoothly now.
Oh there will be bumps all right.
And shit will happen.
Hell, shit always happens.
But you can leave that piece of shit lyin there for all to admire and turn their noses away,
or,
you could make that shit into a sculpture, a work of art, and sell it for a million bucks.
Get my point?
Sure you do.

For my army life, now that it has come to this stage, I'll just make the most of it.
At least I have the day off tmr. Red Alert 3! =D

Baby, I'm happy I've finally found you.
After so long, you came across my path,
and we held hands (:
Girl, your hands will be the only hands I'll ever hold again,
your hug the only which i will embrace,
your voice painted on only my happiest memories,
and your warmest touch, to keep me alive inside.
I love you babe.
This is only the beginning, we have so much to do together, so many places to go, just the both of us. xD
251008 <3

Ok my business is coming up steadily.
My plans are changing for the better.
I can visualise my millions pouring in,
but back to reality for now.
So much is going to happen.
Big things, big plans, big dreams.
Not only me, but for every single one of my guys.
This is our chance.
And we will emerge victorious.
Mark my words.

Ok. Late.
Gonna get my new game tmr.
wahahha.
Nite.

2008-10-19T16:15:00.002+08:00

Been thinking about shit, been talking to friends.

Thinking.

I cannot let these foolish thoughts dominate my mind.
My future is pathed ahead of me, my millions are waiting for me.
It won't be easy, then again, what is?
I have spent too much pondering on matters of the heart and neglected the real importance of my life and what I want it to be.

After these 2 years, just watch me.
The young, foolish, naive, ignorant Jeremiah will be dead.
Gone will be this motherfucker, this asshole who so willingly gave his love away, and came back broken and bleeding inside.
Gone will be the weak, pathetic pussy that never fought for what he really wanted in life.

2 years is a long time, and by the end, or earlier even, he will be reborn.
His determination will rival second to none, his team ever growing.
Yes, he will be back.
He knows roughly what he wants to do after NS, his plans for his life.
All he needs to do now, is to wake up.
Wake up and find that fighting spirit in him, that bit of metal, and to take control of his life once and for all.
His plans would be in full detail, and they would be accomplished.
The steps to his first million would be hard no doubt, but he would not falter.
Instead, every failure every disappointment would only propel him further, and he will become what he had envisioned himself to be so many times.

From the first million to 10, 20 and 50 million, he has it all worked out.
Nothing can stand in his way.
Or in the way of his team.
We are invincible.

Every fucking bitch who ever toyed with him would regret it.
Every asshole who deemed him a failure would eat their own fucking words.
His friends would reap in his rewards, his enemies would suffer tenfold what they had caused upon him.

Mark my words.
This is a promise.

I am slowly finding myself.
And I will.

2008-10-19T01:15:00.002+08:00

I'm on the line between screaming out profanity after profanity, or retreating in one corner, licking my many bleeding wounds.
If one could see the inside of my head, it would be no better than a bloody warzone. If you asked me, I wouldn't know what's right from wrong inside. Nor would I have the will to fight back. Thoughts fly around like bullets, while artillery fire pounds deeper into my head. The war is spiralling out of control. Every minute I'm slowly losing control of my thoughts, my decisions my emotions.
It all started out as something so simple, yet now like the vicious circle it truly is, is holding me captive inside.

I suppose I could only blame it on my stupidity, or being naive, for that matter.
I had always hoped that somehow things would be different, but it never strays from the path which cuts me deeper and deeper each time.
To most, love is probably a game, and to that extent it's true.
I did an entire group of articles on chasing girls, the tips and tricks, trade secrets, pretty much the whole 9 yards. For one of my clients, back when I was still chunking out article after article and researching my ass off for cash. I think I still have those somewhere in my computer.

But for me I believe that love is something that I want to share with a significant other, not treating it like a damn game.
Someone whom I can love and care for, someone whom I can share my troubles with and hers with me, someone whom I can take an entire night to do up our anniversary present and still think it's all worthwhile, someone whom I can snuggle with close at night and whisper "I love you" into her ear, someone I can actually cook for, or go to the other end of Singapore at 3am in the morning just to get her favorite food, someone to die for, to make sure that it's all worthwhile.

Yet, in all my love life I never had the chance to do a single one of them. Never.

I must be naive then, to still be thinking love could actually be this way.
In fact, I'm dreaming aren't I?

I think I am. Lies. Myths. Deceptions.

For me though, there will never be love again.
Never again will I stoop so low as to love, or to want to love.

Someone, prove me wrong. Please.

I guess that does my ranting for now.
Stuff to pack, reports to do, people to meet, more opportunities to uncover.
Busy busy busy, all in the comfort of NS.
What a deal.

Time to kick start this venture into high gear.
And before I end,
FUCK.
Now thats better.
hahaha.
Same ole same ole.

2008-10-17T23:39:00.002+08:00

NS has no doubt got to be one of the biggest waste of time ever.
Our measly pay, is well, measly.
In fact they call it allowance, and it's a rip off too if I may say so myself.

But to give them credit, you do learn things about yourself, such as your mental or physical threshold, and learning to adapt from there.
One of the beautiful things about humans are the ability to adapt. And when I mean adapt not only to situations or a changing enviroment but adapting to how much we can take. Or rather, our own limit, thus making us stronger in the process.

Back to my side of the story, the monetary gain isn't worth it, never was, in fact. Unless you become an officer, but how many people actually have that kind of ambition under an act of conscription? Oh well. We, the people, have no say. And that's the bottom line.

My mum's been going on and on about the instability of the market outside and bla bla bla, saying I shouldn't throw my money in just any investments. Not to diss my mum, but to hell with what she says. It's my money and I damn well decide what I want to do with it. To hell with low interest rates from the bank and to hell with CPF. Bloody waste of money. I have big plans for my money (:
To name a few: Forex, Stocks and Options, Short to mid term investment schemes, and so on and so forth. I will of course put some money in the bank, but it'll be pretty useless there. I won't live the life of the average man, slogging his guts away for a job with minimum wage, and working till the day he dies with his pathetic CPF. Sad, no?

Investments and Trading are the way to go.
But for now, to get this 2 years done and over with, and to get my business with FriendChild up and roaring. (:

Life's been mundane inside camp.
Waiting for posting, hopefully I'll get it this week.
If I become a clerk I'll be gunning for 3rd Sergeant rank (:
After NS, I'll be 21.
Maybe work for a year, save up here and there, and throw the whole lot in investments before going into something more hardcore.

I guess that's it for now.
No vulgarities in this post.
FUCK.
Now that's more like it (:
hahaha.

2008-10-04T20:22:00.002+08:00

Life sucks.
Simply put, it sucks like hell.

If anyone had noticed for the last few posts, I had really tried to control on my use of vulgarities for the last few posts. It worked pretty well but the only reason why I really initiated that was because Eleanor was like against people who used, or rather abused vulgarities. I tried to keep that in check now and then, but now, to hell with it. Since she doesn't care, doesn't give a damn, then I guess the more I say the more I try the more I try to show her I love her the more it gets worse.

I suppose I should have known there was never a chance between us in the freirst place. But I lied to myself again and again, trying to convince myself that there was some hope, no matter how faint it was, or if it was ever there in the first place. I could never ever let go, no matter what. That's me.

Ever since I enlisted, I have questioned my sanity again and again. When you are unable to diiferentiate between right and wrong, when your demons are everywhere, and you can't escape, what do you do?

I've been slipping in and out of depression, having anxiety attacks, shitloads of mental stress and fearing for the next day, next hour, next min, every single fucking second even at home, my "comfort zone". But even that has turned into hell. In fact, I lost my temper again this afternoon. Mum wouldn't let me go out because I was still sick and thus had to rest. To hell with it. I was going to meet one of my guys I was gunning for in my team and it was a crucial one at that. He's talented, capable and I needed just that bit more of convincing to get him on my growing team. Still she complained and started trying to get me to be sympethetic and what she was doing was for my own good. Bullshit.

I waited 2 fucking weeks just to come back, and 2 days before book out, I had the flu virus and it had gotten pretty bad. Fine, I restricted myself to go out as little as possible though I had many places to go and I sucked it up like some asshole bitch. Tuesday night it became worse, fucking migraine took over and it was a fucking pain even to sleep. Imagine yourself lying on your bed while your head was throbbing like a jackhammer, driving right into your fucking brain. You tilt your head a little, the pain worsens. You cough or sneeze (and you have plenty of it) it goes into overdrive and you wish you were dead. You wake up at god forsaken hours in the morning just to pee and you go back and cann't fucking sleep. Worse case for me was tossing and turning in bed for 3 fucking hours, having the pain slowly kill my life away.

Only hope for me left is my business outside.
I can run a business, I can lead a team, I can pull strings to get what I want, and I can make $ from nothing.
Throw me onto an island and implement regimentation on me, this is the me now. Depressed, always fearing for what's going to happen next, my insides screaming to just let me fucking die. Sucidal tendencies included.
Ironic no? The 2 different sides of me.

I had plans for my future, big plans.
My team of people are some of the most capable minds I know. Our skills are constantly improving, our chemistry smooth as silk, our plannings detailed and secure, our executions impeccable. Each of us have fallen in wanting to venture out for the greater opportunities that life had instead of conforming to the cookie cutter and working till the day we fucking die. But like the ashes of the phoenix we have risen up and together the change we will bring will be massive, and even that is an understatement.
Our team evergrowing, our talents limitless, our power has no limit, our influence projected to the masses, and they will follow.

I'm that kind of guy.
Give me 5,6 maybe 7 years.
I'll either be watching my millions grow or be so fucking broke that I'll be swimming in debt after debt till I have to declare myself a bankrupt, but the latter wont be so likely.
Such a contrast in my character.

"But, we can still be friends". she said.
Inside, I'm already suffering enough. Like there aren't enough voices and thoughts telling to jump off the building or to stab myself in my heart. I guess she hit the jackpot. 1 more step to my grave.

Yes, I'm going insane.
Even the plans I had for my future aren't enough to sustain me now.
What more is there to live for? Nothing I suppose.

2008-10-01T17:16:00.004+08:00

So from Tekong I came.
First thing when I booked out, wasn't all what I expected to be.
Somehow, the excitement of see-ing my home again, see-ing my mum, all my friends, playing DoTA, playing with my psp, wasn't there.
One good enough reason is because I had fallen ill. Really bad sore throat and flu, together with my voice sounding like crap.

Current status? I have a really bad migraine. This continous throbbing in my head is seriously killing me. I cough or I sneeze it hurts like hell. I close my eyes it hurts. Ah wtf.

Took mc for today and tmr. So tmr night booking in, then Friday afternoon/ evening booking out again. -.-''

Yes yes tell me about it.
This had to happen during my first book out.
I mean, come on, give me a break will you.

So anyway, my mum and I had a fight over business and education.
She has no faith in my business,
and likewise I have no faith in education.
Which kinda puts us at a bit of a hard spot.

I don't plan to study after NS.
In fact, I have many things I want to do.
My main business, my pocketfuls of investments, and I plan to go into trading as well. i.e., playing the stock market.

Now, if only this throbbing headache would stop..

2008-09-15T00:17:00.002+08:00

So this is it then.

It seemed like only yesterday that I was counting down 50 over days.
It seemed like yesterday when I was working at the Borders Book Fair.
It seemed like only yesterday when I entered TP, or had my first game of DoTA.
It seemed like only yesterday that I met her.
It seemed like yesterday that my O lvls were finished.

Everything seemed like only yesterday, and it was.

I do miss the times, when all of us just hanged out together and had fun.
When you realise time is short, you tend to miss everything.

I guess I'll end here.

I'm already starting to miss everyone.

2008-09-12T01:51:00.003+08:00

Wall-E (warning spoilers!)

Or pronounced wally, but whatever.
I was never one for animated films, from the classic Toy Story to Finding Nemo or The Incredibles. In fact, when I went to watch this movie with Hong, Mx and KL yesterday this movie was perhaps on the bottom part of my list. I certainly didn't want to watch Money No Enough 2 again, neither had the thought of watching Wall-E crossed my mind. I was more onto the likes of Death Race, which looked somewhat appealing. But Wall-E had the best timing of all the movie selections there so what the heck, we watched it.

The movie begins in a dystopian setting on earth, where buildings and streets are deserted, everything is in a mess, and the air reeks heavily of a post-apocalyptic incident. Scene by scene slowly unfolds as what could happen to earth in perhaps a few hundred years, when the enviroment is unable to take our ways of pollution and it eventually becomes impossible to survive but that's another story.

There we meet our non-speaking protagonist, WALL-E, which stands for Waste Allocation Load Lifter - Earth Class, but you probably didn't need to hear that. 700 years after the evacuation of earth when it was deemed that toxic levels were far too high for human beings to live in, our little friend is the only robot left. He somehow meticulously manages to do his intended duty, yet at the same time slowly developing a sense of curiousity, having a crash course on love by watching the 1969 musical "Hello Dolly" and having to find himself struggling for the need for companionship and on how he interprets showing love to someone, wanting to hold his significant other's hands.

He does have a companion, but of all things, a cockroach. It brought out some light hearted disgust but at the end, it was a clever use of metaphors that really pictured the cockroach as a faithful dog, willing to follow his master where ever he may go, yet having a reasonable amount of stubborness one would expect a dog to have.

Finally, a ship lands and releases a probe called EVE (Extraterrestrial Vegetation Evaluator) which basically means that her job is to find plant life that would show that earth has healed itself and conditions are suitable for human living again. Rather typical story of boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, girl tries to ignore boy and kill him. But after basic introductions, things are finally in place and what follows after that is a journey of one's search for love, and what one is willing to do to get it, even for that special moment, a mere sign of love just by holding hands as well as a dark story of human error and how we can take our enviroment for granted.

Pixar and Walt Disney has perhaps made one of the best animated films of all times in my opinion. A romantic comedy with doses of action yet cleverly injected with many humourous moments and strong moral backings has just won my heart over to make me a life long fan of this film and to even make it a classic for generations to come.

While there are quite a few questionable plot twists, such as having the plant mysteriously disappeared from under EVE's nose (if she had one) the original idea of the film certainly over rides it and promises to warm your heart fully, leaving you to think of WALL-E's pursuit of love or how far the extent of the evils of materialism will kill this earth long after the movie has ended.

Out of 10, I give it 9/10. But what about the standard of animation you might ask? Considering it's from Pixar, I would expect nothing less. Thought provoking, touching, and with a sense of humour if you think about it long enough, just makes a teardrop fall and a small smile formed.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, my first attempt at a review, somewhat.

This movie really touched me, to the point where I could almost feel like crying. The way he relentlessly tried to show her his affections, to the point where he was crushed and she finally realised that he was trying to tell her he loved her really made me think of my own situation. If I'm gone, one thing I would really want is to have her know that at least I tried to be someone for her, that I tried my best to make sure she was taken care of and happy. I can say that I've failed at this, which was one of the main things bugging me before I enlist. In a way, I feel really happy for our little friend and EVE, even though it's fiction and somehow it breaks me apart to know that I was unable to touch her heart the way he touched hers.

Somehow I feel it's too late, since I'm going in next Monday anyway.

I'm sorry Eleanor. I can't say that I've tried my best to give you that smile on your face, and for as long as I live this regret will forever be embedded in me. I had so many places I wanted to bring you, so many places that had good food that I'm sure you would have loved, and so many things that I wanted to give you or just share with you, and I couldn't even do a single one of them. In all my life I have never felt so useless, so vulnerable, so weak.

For that I'm sorry girl. I can only wish for those things, but incapability had somehow gotten the better of me, and I can never forgive myself for that.

Eleanor, I'm in love with you girl. I really am. Maybe the timing was really wrong, maybe the way I acted was just plain stupid, maybe you never had any feelings for me at all. But that doesn't change the fact that you are the one whom I thought of 1st in the morning when I wake up and the person whom I eagerly waited for your sms-es. Just yours.

Nothing more I can say now, just to hope for the best.. I guess.

I'm going to miss everyone as well.
I love you guys, from my mum to my bros to my friends. Without you guys, I probably would have done something really really stupid long ago.

Argh. 2.50am. Im out.
nitez all.

2008-09-09T15:03:00.002+08:00

The Passing

I can no longer control myself.
My hate, my anger, is slowly devouring me.
My pride, slowly taking away what's left of my humanity.
There is nothing left to fight for, to live for.
They have taken me, bound me in chains, and strapped to my demise,
I am helpless to fight, helpless to take back what was me,
Helpless to battle those that I had loved.

My demons, whom I had first thought were my friends,
had their facades removed, their act disrupted,
as they revealed themselves to me.
God himself cannot help me, for I had rejected him time and time again,
and now I lie ashamed and naked, screaming out my imprisonment.
Those voices in my head when will they end?
When will they shut the fuck up and leave me alone?

When will they stop telling me to kill, to infect, to betray.
When will they stop telling me that it doesn't exist, that it never has.
When will they let me die off and pass out from this world.

My own thoughts had betrayed me, my dreams my tormentors.
I had blocked out the light, and now darkness has come to claim my soul.
Demons tearing my body apart, slowly corrupting my soul.
Eating me out, bleeding me dry.
And no one, no one, can help me.

Lost, forlorn, and desperate.
The unholy alliance which I have gotten myself into,
I cannot escape.
I have toyed with powers far greater than what I have imagined,
and I am paying the ultimate price with my life, my soul, my very being.

"Love, killed me" -Proof (1973 - 2006)

2008-09-08T23:50:00.002+08:00

Aite. Nothing much happened today as usual.
Hmm went to meet John for lunch at Sakae Sushi.
Good times. lol.

Went back, didn't do anything.
Till now, dota dota dota. Talk here and there, good life ain't it.

Came across this song.
System of a Down - Chop Suey!
Yes, weird name. But highly addictive.
I would have posted the MV here, but unfortunately they don't allow me to.
Oh well.

Here we go.
And some lyrics.

Wake up (wake up)
Grab a brush and put a little makeup
Hide the scars to fade away the shake up
(Hide the scars to fade away the shake )
Why'd you leave the keys up on the table?
Here you go create another fable

(You wanted to)
Grab a brush and put on a little makeup
(You wanted to)
Hide the scars to fade away the shake up
(You wanted to)
Why'd you leave the keys up on the table?
(You wanted to)

I don't think you trust, in, my,
Self-righteous suicide,
I, cry, when angels deserve to die

Wake up (wake up)
Grab a brush and put a little makeup
Hide the scars to fade away the shake up
Why'd you leave the keys up on the table?
Here you go create another fable

(You wanted to)
Grab a brush and put on a little makeup
(You wanted to)
Hide the scars to fade away the shake up
(You wanted to)
Why'd you leave the keys up on the table?
(You wanted to)

I don't think you trust in my
Self-righteous suicide,
I cry, when angels deserve to die
In my self-righteous suicide,
I cry, when angels deserve to die

Father (father)
Father (father)
Father (father)
Father (father)
Father into your hands, I commend my spirit
Father into your hands, why have you forsaken me?
In your eyes, forsaken me
In your thoughts, forsaken me
In your heart, forsaken me

Oh, trust in my, self-righteous suicide
I cry when angels deserve to die
In my self-righteous suicide
I why when angels deserve to die

Bolded words.
Good stuff.
Im out.

2008-09-07T19:13:00.002+08:00

Boring day, sorta.

My mum said she'll get me the DJ Kit I want, if I continue my studies after that fucking NS.
Tempting hahaha.
I told her I don't have any plans to study after NS, simply because I couldn't be bothered and it's not like i'll waste half my life slaving for some job yadda yadda yadda.
I have other plans. (:
I have no faith in our system anymore.

As if discriminating against poly dropouts aren't enough,
they're now raising the bar for primary and secondary school standards.
I mean, wtf.
Something MX said was quite disturbing, Primary 6 science had reflections and refractions (light) and secondary 2 maths had gotten notches harder.
I can understand raising the bar, but THAT high?
What does our education minister take us for? Fools?

To change the topic a little, there's this show called "Sense of Home" on Channel 5.
They show Singaporeans living abroad till it comes to the little girl and the mother. From what they say, you know instantly what the hell they trying to convey to us.
And at the end, it goes like "Is it really worth it?", "Is it worth the trouble?".
Yes, you should know where this is pointing at.

They want to keep us in this prison.
Bullshit.
Oh well.
I won't be here for long.
Well 7 days left.
Whoo pee doo.

2008-09-06T03:33:00.004+08:00

Just reformatted my computer.
Kinda sick of the Dota matches that hanged halfway at the screen. Irritating.
My com was kinda cluttered up anyway.

I get this feeling everytime I reformat my computer.
It's like a new beginning.
All the dirt, all the shit, gone!
and a chance to start anew and to not make the same mistakes again.
Thought provoking, yet it will never happen in life as we know, i.e. reality.

Let's see. 8-9 more days before NS.
It felt like only yesterday that I counted 50 over days to NS.
It seemed like yesterday, yet it felt like forever ago
It only seemed like yesterday I met her,
yet...
Well not much use talking bout the past aint it.

In other words.. Going to down to the office tmr.
Finally, something being done!
Bit too late? Perhaps.
But better late then never.
Got lots of people asking me out before I enlist.
Of course, I only wanted really to meet just that one person. Her.
Things are not going as they are planned of course.
If things went exactly as they were planned by us to be,
wouldn't be called life yeah?

Well, disappointment galore then.

Im outta here.
Nitez.

2008-09-05T00:39:00.003+08:00

10 days left.
I wanna get wasted.

What the fuck am I doing with my life?
I had a bunch of stuff planned out, a lot of things that I wanted to do or accomplish before my NS.
Guess what?
I didn't do finish a single thing.
I don't know, but everything's just leading up, fucking up.
Man, I really don't know.

And come on, you said I didn't book you this week, fine.
"book". What a word.
You asked me to ask you on Monday.
You weren't even talking to me on Monday, remember?
I kept quiet.
And now we can't even meet at all.
I'm going in like in 10 days.
10 FUCKING GOD DAMN DAYS.
You won't have to see my face for the next 2 weeks, 3 months, or 2 years.
Is that too much to ask?
Maybe.
Perhaps.
All right, I'm selfish then.
I'm asking for too much, whining too much and the anxiety is amazing.
That's for her, if she reads it.

And come on guys.
I know things are slow, I know things cocked up sometimes here and there.
But.. I know where commitment is concerned it has to be there.
This is business, pure and simple.
If anyone doubts me, you can try me.
When I'm required to be there, I will fucking be there.
Those who know me knows that I'm a whiny, opinionated procrestinative asshole.
But when I'm serious, I'm fucking serious. No bullshit.
Well too late to say that.

In fact, it's too late to say anything.
At all.
Fuck. I still miss her.
And she doesn't care.

Girl, even if you acted like you care, acted like you liked me or even put on a false pretense,
it wouldn't matter to me.
At least give me something to smile to at night when my demons start tormenting me.

God, I guess I can't blame you for this.
I can only blame my fucking self.
I know I'm not one of your favorites, and I'm not welcomed in your house, but I could use a little attention, please.

2008-09-01T23:48:00.002+08:00

He's broken inside, bleeding his heart out.
His cries gone unnoticed, his shouts gone unheard.
He silently pleads for her to listen, just once,
but circumstances allow not for it to happen at all.

Bursting with emotions, he loses it.
His thoughts, blackened and spiraling
slowly drags him down into his own demise.
Slowly, negativity fills his mind,
rendering him powerless to control himself.

He snaps.
From the built up pressure to the forgotten words.
From the fucked up thoughts to the immature dreams.
He had made those who loved him worried,
He had cursed the God who helped his family get through tough times.
And he had scared her off with his reckless impulsiveness.

He had gone one step too far.
She refuses to talk to him, refuses to contact him anymore.
Just one day with her, would make him as happy as a lark.
That was all he asked for, that was all he wanted.
But even then, he couldn't have that fulfilled.

He knows. He knows it all.
Being overly emotional was his weakest point,
and everyone who knows him knows it.
He shouldn't have.
He knew he shouldn't.
But it's too late. Too late now.

He was a fool, an idiot.
He was selfish, opinionated and proud.
His attempt at suicide was nothing more than an outward act of childish-ness.
But who could blame him?
The desire to want to love someone during those 2 years,
to have something to look forward to when booking out every week,
crushed.

Inside, he's crying, he's weeping.
Today was the day (Tuesday, not Monday) he was looking forward to.
To finally see her smile, to finally feel that he was a part of her life somehow or rather.
To be there for her, one way or another.
He would have gone to meet her if she was crying on the phone at 4am in the morning.
He would have stayed up all night just to hear her sleep.
He would have given her the tightest hug if ever she felt a single ounce of sadness.
He had numerous stuff planned for her, from the flyer trip to the dinner down by the Singapore River at Clarke Quay.

He wanted so much to see her, to just love her, that he screwed it up.
His anxiety, his short temper, his limited patience.
All became his downfall.
In all his life, he has never regretted anything more.
He wishes he could turn the clock back.
He wishes he could have been born in a different age, have different looks, different anything.
Just so he could be with her.

It's all too late now.
He cries.
His heart lays lying in a mess, on the ground.
Bleeding. Waiting.

2008-08-29T22:56:00.002+08:00

Rather uneventful today.

Met John and KH at RailMall to have a "farewell" gathering.
For my departure to NS. lol.

So we went to this bar where KH was already having a drink.
After which, I ordered a blow job.
hahaha.
Banana Liqueur, Bailey's and whipped cream.
Best stuff I ever tasted.
Strong + so damn smooth, friggin small cup tho. lol.

I wonder who the hell named it blow job.
Then we went to subway, where apparently when John and I ordered they ran out of bread.
So they had this pita bread, or something like that.
and they wrapped the ingredients, like a popiah.
I was like wtf.
I have pics, will upload them soon lol.

Other than that, life's been lonely.
Real lonely.
Sigh.

2008-08-29T14:04:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling much better, definitely
Thanks to everyone who encouraged and talk to me, including my bros, frens and her. ^^

Came across this song, and checked out the video.
It has a really deep meaning, and rather sad at the end.

Lyrics:
I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars

Look at me, look at me
hands in the air like it's good to be
ALIVE
and I'm a famous rapper
even when the paths're all crookedy
I can show you how to do-si-do
I can show you how to scratch a record
I can take apart the remote control
And I can almost put it back together
I can tie a knot in a cherry stem
I can tell you about Leif Ericson
I know all the words to "De Colores"
And "I'm Proud to be an American"
Me and my friend saw a platypus
Me and my friend made a comic book
And guess how long it took
I can do anything that I want cuz, look:

I can keep rhythm with no metronome
No metronome
No metronome

And I can see your face on the telephone
On the telephone
On the telephone

Look at me
Look at me
Just called to say that it's good to be
ALIVE
In such a small world
I'm all curled up with a book to read
I can make money open up a thrift store
I can make a living off a magazine
I can design an engine sixty four
Miles to a gallon of gasoline
I can make new antibiotics
I can make computers survive aquatic conditions
I know how to run a business
I can make you wanna buy a product
Movers shakers and producers
Me and my friends understand the future
I see the strings that control the systems
I can do anything with no assistance
Cuz I can lead a nation with a microphone
With a microphone
With a microphone
And I can split the atom of a molecule
Of a molecule
Of a molecule

Look at me
Look at me
Driving and I won't stop
And it feels so good to be
Alive and on top
My reach is global
My tower secure
My cause is noble
My power is pure
I can hand out a million vaccinations
Or let'em all die in exasperation
Have'em all healed of their lacerations
Have'em all killed by assassination
I can make anybody go to prison
Just because I don't like'em and
I can do anything with no permission
I have it all under my command
Because I can guide a missile by satellite
By satellite
By satellite
And I can hit a target through a telescope
Through a telescope
Through a telescope
And I can end the planet in a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars

Good stuff.
Now THAT's music.

2008-08-26T00:00:00.005+08:00

Having a good time with my friends.
Missing her like hell, and possibly not having even the fucking chance to see her before my enlistment. Fuck.
And having a guest come by claiming to be me, and tagging this on my board. (The Jere is fake of cos).

Jere: u jus sux..... forget abt eleanor dude..... eleanor is nt suitable for u...

Mx saw this 1st, and I quote:

"☆skyeatsmx says:
oh wtf
☆skyeatsmx says:
he sounds uneducated"

And after which Isaac saw it and I quote again:

"(au) IN54 - Life Depressing(au)http://volvo8030.blogspot.com says:
that's son of a fruitcake!"

And he was being polite, mind you.

And as for what JianLin said to Mr. lalala, well it's pretty much self-explanatory, although I think you can't read as well.

Let me ask you, lalala, or whatever the fuck your name is.
I think I know your name, but I'm only a fucking inch from putting your name on my blog.

Where is your fucking dignity.
Let me repeat that.

Where is your fucking dignity.

When I told you to put your name as something more fitting, I guess you didn't see the large amount of sarcasm just dripping from my words.

Guess what?
You went and did it.
What were you thinking?
Is your brain so empty, that you have to come to my blog and massacre my board with your stupidity?

You have no pride, you have no morals, you don't even dare to put your fucking name down.
You call yourself a man, a male?
Give me a fucking break.

Last time, I was relaxed, now I'm starting to boil up.
If I ever see your message without your fucking "manly" name,
I swear, I won't turn friendly.
But of course, what can I fucking do?
This sniveling coward is hiding behind his computer, acting all smug, because he knows he's safe, and for good reason too.
I can't find him.
But in return he has lost what's left (If there was any) of any right to call himself a man.
He should undergo a sex change and sell his pitiful body to despots in Changi Village.
Lots of openings for you there, "Dude".

And with regards to what you said.
I suck? Look who's talking.

Dude? You called me a dude?
When the fuck did we become friends or mates? I simply can't remember.
For the sake of all things pure and innocent, stop with this really immature facade.
I had a bad first impression of you, now I'm wondering whether you are really a male in the first place.

She doesn't suit me?
Wow. Like she suits you.
Can you make her happy?
Look what the fuck you did to her.
If you in front of me right now, I wouldn't bother sparing a few hundered punches to your pathetic face.
Hell, you deserve it.
Nothing less.

Looks like I'm done for now.
You had better start to grow up.

EDIT*

Well, simply put, both JianLin and Isaac states that you are an immature asshole, and should like nothing more than to put you in your place with a few punches if they knew who you were.

You are uneducated, with no manners and logic to begin with.
You come into a guy's blog, flame him, say he's gay, he's cool bout it. Really.
The second time, you come in, say he sucks (again) and acting high and mighty and all.
You don't know where to stop don't you?

I quote:

"mx: to fake jere: do you listen to Dragonforce? come i show u good stuff. it will calm your soul, loser"

Dragonforce FTW! Listen to that, and tell me if you feel any better.

"JianLin: u dog?..mus hide?.eh..my name put here for u to see..not happy u come nia..dun come disturb my bro blog.._!_..
JianLin: u so suitable for eleanor?..why?..u like her she dun like u ar..so u jealous got ppl like her isit?..eh..ur mother or ur teacher nvr teach u to mind ur own business ar?."

I couldn't agree more. Just show your face if you have the guts in the first place to bring me down with your really weak words. Show your face, or don't write anything at all you uneducated bastard. Yes, well maybe jealousy plays a part in your rather unfulfillable quest to make me feel like a piece of crap, but clearly it isn't working.

"IN54-Jere the phony: I tell you what! GO TO MY BLOG, LINK'S IS BELOW! TAG MY BLOG, & LEAVE DOWN YOUR HP NUMBER, AND I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR PATHETIC CHEENA AH BENG MONKEYILY MENTALITY CHALLENGE CHEAP SKATE S'POREAN PIECE OF CRAP. OHH BTW PLS LEAVE DOWN YOUR MEETING PLACE WHERE I CAN SURELY 100% KICK YOUR SORRY ASS! YOU "PUNK'D!!!!"

Yes, my bro's pissed. lol. You think this is worth it? Just because you have a fucking low self esteem does not warrant you the fucking right to do the same to me. GET A FUCKING LIFE.

For the sake of censorship, I will now copy my good bro's posts here, so that lalala can get the full message in his fucked up brain.

"StevenSEE- jere the fake: oh wow, another spammer. my god, im tired of this shit. so jere the fake eh? what's your bloody fucking problem right now? he like someone not your fucking problem right?
StevenSEE- jere the fake: you want to tag, tag with your own name la nabei! first you tag with some bullshit, and now you pretend to be an imposter. you expect us to go easy on you now ah? dream on la chee bai!
StevenSEE- jere the fake: time and place faster say! want to settle faster settle, AND SETTLE FACE TO FACE! don't hide infront of com and spam as imposter all!
StevenSEE- jere the fake: you want to chee bai around with us, you better think twice! your cheebai ass will get fucked, and stipped and burnt!"

You get the message. Got the balls to accompany what you said/did? Bring it.

Here's my number.
92328747 - Jeremiah
I don't think I would be receiving a call though.
Obviously someone's too much of a fucktard to follow up with his speech.
Im really not into fighting and all that shit anymore.

But, provoke me once, I can let it slip.
Provoke me twice, and you'll have more than me to deal with.

That being said, if you dare to go and make a fool out of yourself in front of my frenz/bros, you had better pray hard man.
Just as my bros were here for me during this rather weak offensive by lalala or the fake jere, I would be there for them, no matter what.
Mark my words.

(:

2008-08-23T21:34:00.002+08:00

Well, kinda looks like I'm gonna be alone during NS.
Where's my motivation to look forward to booking out? Fuck.
I would say a lot of things, really.
But today was a pretty fucked up day to begin with.
I guess, I screwed up, big time, in every single way.

I guess everything I planned, everything I wanted to do with her, I can just forget bout em.
Yeah I know you're busy, but..
Forget it.
I can forget everything I've planned for my fucking life before fucking NS.

And yes, I will always be against NS, even if I have a somewhat enjoyable time in there.
It's conscription, no more no less.
And that equates to having citizens do a service which is not their decision in the first place.
In the past, yeah NS was for the better I will admit, when we were in dire straits.
Now? It has outlived its usefulness.
Fucking son of a fucking bitches in this fucking government. Pieces of shit.

Only country that can launch a direct assault on us in M'sia, and I doubt they have the resources, much less the balls to do some stupid shit like that. They can't even control their own people, their NS is a joke, what the fuck.

Besides, how will the NSF serve this fucking country?
Shit happens, we have our regulars, whom I believe are more than enough to handle the situation.
But our end goal: wait for the US naval fleet to save our pathetic asses. (:

Besides, we're in a fucking economic crisis.
The whole world, mind you.
Not just in fucking Singapore.
Which country can sustain a fucking war, at least which country in South East Asia.

I watched Money No Enough 2.
Quite true, when they said the Govt. loves to suck our money out.
Let's see.

There's the insane road tax, ERP, etc etc.
So what do we do if we can't buy a car and pay the insane tax that comes along with it?
Take public transport!
Now here's the thing.
Peak hour.
Fucking crowded.

When I was back in Temasek Poly, earliest lesson I had was at 8am.
I had to wake up at 5am in the fucking god damn morning.
Worst case in 1 day, I missed 2 trains and 2 buses.

How long will our fucking government stop restraining us?

Sure it's safe, sure it's "stable"
but at what fucking cost.

Read the newspapers, in the viewer's column.
So many people kissing our prime minister's ass over that speech he gave.
What a buncha ass kissers.

lol ok I'm just pissed.
Everything's going so wrong.
Do forgive me, Singapore, I meant every word I said.
I hope you burn in hell.

Meanwhile, I'm still waiting
for her.
That special someone who save me from this downward spiral of verbal brutality.
I guess, she will never come.
Never, fucking ever.

Come on God do I seem fucking bulletproof?
Just fucking kill me now.

2008-08-23T00:44:00.001+08:00

I don't know what to think.
I don't know what to do.

Yet, I must.
For it is required of me.
Shit.

Give me something better to write here.

2008-08-21T21:18:00.005+08:00

First off, I suppose lalala's too much of a fucking coward to come back.

Secondly, thanks to all my bros and mates who helped make my board a better place for all.
To name em: Hong, Isaac, Steven, MX and SW.
It's been fun. Oh well, looks like he won't be coming back.
You, lalala, are welcome back anytime you want though. (:

I think I know who the hell you are.
Judging by the way you type, and by how you type in other blogs.
It just so happened that the way you typed was a little unfriendly for me.
Nevertheless, at least have me wonder who the fuck you are.
A little challenge and mystery is always good, no?

Nothing much that happened today, at least nothing worth mentioning.
Trying not to mention her much.
Cos nothin's gonna happen.
Sometimes I get the feeling everything's a lie.
Well let's just say it's my own fucking fault then. (:
It always is, in the past, and now even. Fuck.

No matter what I do, no matter what I say.
The ones whom I want to love and care for the most will never give a fuck bout me.
Nuff said.
This is fucking bullshit.

Damn.
Nite.

This is me pretending.
This is all I need.

2008-08-20T23:04:00.004+08:00

Had a pretty much normal day I think.

Started playing Fable again, kick ass game (:
Never fails to amaze me everytime I play it.

Fable 2 coming out! For the Xbox 360. I would get a console just for that game. That's how good it is.
Diablo 3 and Starcraft 2 also coming out, along with Project Origins.
Good shit.

Went for dinner with my mum and aunt at Tanglin Country Club.
Had Fish and Chips. My god, that fish was huge!
I'll upload the picture as soon as I fix my Nokia PC Sync.

Hmm so came home.

I saw a new tag. The subject's name? Lalala.
Well, welcome to my humble abode.
And although I do not approve of your childish-ness, I do support freedom of speech and that includes your little tag reminding me to wait long. Hey I don't know bout you bud, but I'm waiting.
I have a general idea of who you are, although that is merely but a presumption and I shall not dwell further into your rather inferior identity.
If you have even an ounce of pride left in you, at the very least, give me your name, and not go by some lame pseudonym such as "lalala". Ok I'm using pseudonym slightly wrong, but for lack of better words to describe this coward. Oh well.
And if you want to insult me, why not go all the way?
Put your nick as "Jere sucks" or "Jere is gay".
"lalala" only makes you look bad, real bad.

How useless is a flamer/spammer? When the victim himself has to give the flamer tips on how to flame better.

And yes, I want to woo Eleanor. Simple as that.
And I'm serious about her mind you.
I know you love her too, I know you want her by your side, or else you will sob like a little baby.
Oh grow up will you?
Yes yes I know my posts sound super uber gay.
Oh wait, they are fucking gay.
But you have proved that you are one level below me by posting such immature remarks on my clean taggy board.

All in all, you wanna flame me? Not just yet buddy.
Your skill is inept.
You are impudent, nothing less than that but a hell lot more, sad to say.
And worse of all, your incompetence will eventually cause you to fall.

Talk nicely, and the world talks nicely with you.
Talk like a gay fag, and may you be shown mercy by those you attempt to flame.
To end, I do welcome you to my blog, I really do.
But please, for your future, grow up.
Don't just do stupid things like this.
Honestly it gives me a very bad impression of you.

So yeah, that's my 2 cents worth.
And my friends 2 cents worth will be coming to my taggy board too! =D
Ah yes, the beauty of vengence, and giving a small kid his just desserts.

Ok Im out. nitez.

Delifrance gives you COOKIES!

2008-08-17T14:49:00.002+08:00

The time has come for me to stand up, and take leadership of this venture. I know that I can do it, and I must do it. The first step would be to highlight my problems, and address them as such here. Make a change!

1) Procrastination.

One of my biggest faults I would say. In case anyone doesn't know what procrastination means, it basically means putting off things that you could do today to do it tomorrow, and tomorrow and tomorrow and so on and so forth. Given the right motivation however, that can be easily eliminated.

2) Stubbornness.

This is going to kill me someday, and everyone knows it. I should think it's my pride as well. What do I mean? I refuse to take orders from anyone, I refuse suggestions out flat, and I take offense (lots of it) when someone criticizes me. Even though I don't show it, it's there. Slowly burning inside me, raging. Of course, once I get my way torrents of gulit come with it. It's a vicious circle I tell you.

On the other side of the coin, My hard headed ness might actually be good for something. Once my beliefs are there, nothing can move it. Ever. And that's how strong it can get.

3) Impulsiveness.

Yes, in almost everything I do.
Must be more skeptical whenever I do things.
Nuff said, gotta change it.

4) Short Temper.

Yes, I have a bad temper. Very bad. Slightest thing I will just flare up and start cursing, which leads me to my next vice, Cursing. Gotta gotta cut down. I use the F word way too much. I should be more calm, somewhat. lol.

I think that's all for now. Change is necessary in order for greater things to happen.
And it will.

I should write more intelligent posts, or write something longer.
Ah the beauty of procrastination.
The irony of it all.

2008-08-14T22:44:00.002+08:00

30 days left..

Man.. Time really flies. It felt like yesterday that I counted down 50 over days to NS, and now we have reached the 30 mark.
Well, things with FriendChild are going as planned. Very very good, if I may say so myself.
It will be a success!

With her.. Well. I really don't know what to say.
The more Is say, in this blog or msn/sms, the more speechless she seems to get.
And for good reason.
I mean, I would too.
I'm too selfish I guess.

I deserve no one.

In fact, my problem is that I love too fast.
And this love is someone that, I take too seriously?
Like, I don't know Eleanor that well yet, but I'm still more than willing to go to her place in the middle of night if she's sad, or think of a million and one ways to cheer her up. Somehow, the feeling I get is that it'll all be worth it, and I believe so too.

Like this line from Breaking Benjamin - Diary of Jane

"No love, there is no love.
Die for anyone, WHAT HAVE I BECOME".

I bolded the words cuz he screamed during that particular line.
I just wanted to add the effect.
Great song.

I need to stop, and breathe.
breatheeeeee.
I suppose I'm just scared she'll get another bf or something.
Well not for me to say anyway.
I'm probably just paranoid.

But enough of this,
I suppose I should really let nature take it's course in this.

I miss you girl, nonetheless (:

Take care of your wound all right?
Just worried..

Yawn.
Tired.
Nitez.

2008-08-13T21:22:00.002+08:00

Dreams..

While they are still the subject of much research and study, my own theory is that dreams are merely a reflection of our inner thoughts, our sub-consciousness, and simply put, things that we don't usually think about when we're awake or think too much, for that matter. Dreams will usually reflect these to us, whether good or bad, and trust me, some of these dreams tend to stick with you for a long time.
In the bible, dreams were used to prophecies the future. Usually it was a way in which God communicated to people.
Recurring dreams in today's modern age could very well mean the future as well or that the person is thinking about a particular matter for God knows how long, but hey, I don't know much and fyi, our minds are 10% conscious and 90% sub conscious, sorta like an iceberg with the tip jutting out of the water.

Lately, after the work at Expo, I had been having afternoon naps. A giant surge of tiredness just comes straight at me at around 4 to 5pm; mercilessly if I may add, and my bed looks oh-so-inviting. So I get onto my bed and have a 2 hour nap or so.

Recently though, I've been getting plenty of dreams. From your weird ones to just now, a dream which I almost broke down over.

It went something like this.

Location : Something that resembles the Borders Book Fair at Expo
Event : A property investment fair, that somehow incorporates a multi level marketing scheme. (Don't ask me how).
I was there, Eleanor was there, and someone too, although I couldn't figure out who he or she was, although I had a feeling that person was a she.

In dreams I usually can't see things clearly, just roughly. But her face.. It was just so clear in my head. So we were being presented some plan about selling property and recommending your friends to buy and sell too =.=
Then that other person walked off (I think).

Then.. We hugged.
We were just in each other's arms for as long as I can remember.
Both of us silent..
And even as I was slowly waking up, the thought of just holding her was etched deeply into my rather tired head.
Then I found out I was holding my pillow. =.=
But it was so real, it felt so real in fact. I would have given anything for that moment again.
But alas, it will not happen.
Maybe in my dreams, but in real life? Sigh.

I woke up, bout 7pm. The sky was pretty dark, and I cursed myself for letting that moment go.

Anything, just to have that moment again...
T.T

2008-08-12T23:30:00.002+08:00

"Don't be sad", she said.

These words echo in my mind again and again.

I'm trying, I know. I really am.

But as we all know, the problem lies with me and me alone.

My fucked up mentality.

She has no thought of ever being with me, at all, or so I presume.

Presumption, such a beautiful word.

In fact, the most beautiful things in life kill.

Roses, so sweet and romantic, houses thorns beneath their beautiful exterior.

Diamonds, so alluring and hypnotizing, manipulates men to steal and mercilessly kill for them.

And love, sweet sweet love.

Underneath it's innocence, it's pureness, lies the very mark of evil. Of death. Love drives normal men insane and unaware, and before they even know it, they will have been marked stabbed in the backs and their lives, their souls, no longer theirs, only to belong to something otherworldly.

Yeah I'm going crazy.

Sigh.

I miss her.

I say the same thing every day, every post.

She doesn't really care about this doesn't she?

I think I can forget about winning her heart now.

And why would she have feelings for me to begin with?

Sigh.

I should just turn gay.

Fuck.

Gonna reformat my computer now.

Lags like no one's fucking business.

2008-08-11T20:57:00.002+08:00

After 6 long days at Expo, I'm finally done.

Bittersweet feelings I suppose.

No more early mornings and waking up late to drag my ass to Expo,

and at the same time, not see-ing my newfound friends anymore, or at least as often.

Well, I got 2 new books from the fair.

Brainwash and Surprise Party, and no, Surprise party is not a nice little book.

It's a thick fiction thriller.

Hmm yeah. Look forward to reading them.

For some reason, I feel more sad than happy.

I don't know why.

I miss the other guys alrdy.

It's been only like 6 days that we worked together, yet it feels like we bonded quite well.

Sigh.

And as Rasul put it, "once the job is done, byebye alrdy"

It's really fucking fucking sad.

I miss her too.

Fuck. ):

Anyway, here's a happy birthday to ELEANOR! ^_^

In bout 10 min time anyway x)

I wish you the best in all you do girl.

In studies, with relationships, in church.

Pretty much everything that concerns you.

You're a beautiful girl, both inside and out.

And any guy should be honoured to have you as his girl. =)

I would be too, more than ever.

But as a friend put it..

"Sounds more like a one sided love man."

Maybe he was right.

I believed I could win your heart b4 my NS.

I think I'm wrong.

I barely see you, let alone get to talk to you on the phone.

Maybe you're too busy, maybe I'm too ignorant.

Either way, I don't feel anything good right now.

Time and time again, I just felt like throwing everything I bought for you.

And time and time again I told myself to get a fucking grip and to calm the fuck down.

Maybe I should stop lying to myself.

This doesn't sound like me doesn't it?

For those who actually know me for real,

Most of the times I appear confident and happy outside. Just your typical happy-go-lucky guy who jokes bout every damn thing under the sun.

Give me a blog and for just that moment (or virtual moment, for that matter), I'll break down and my emotions will get the better of me.

That's when I write, for it's the only way to release these burdens inside of me.

That's why I write, for it lets me say things I wouldn't normally say outside.

That's how i write, for it makes me realise how much of a fucking idiot I am.

Sigh..

At least tell me how you feel girl.

I want to know where I stand, at least.

I feel so fucked up now.

bye.

2008-08-09T00:32:00.002+08:00

Just came back from another long day of work.

Been cashiering for the Borders Book Fair at Expo.

Yeah yeah I know what you're thinking.

I live in Choa Chu Kang, the hell am I going to Expo for?

Beats me.

LOL.

And some people buy books as if they were opening some mini library.

the most I saw was at least 4-5 basketfuls worth of books.

Man..

Gotta hang on.

It'll be over sooner or later,

then I can get back to my usual way of life hahaha.

Well gotta sleep.

Long day tmr.

I miss you girl.

I wish you knew.

I wish you cared.

I wish..

2008-08-05T00:27:00.002+08:00

Life.

For many people, life is a blessing. They choose to take it, and do what they deem as righteous or good with it. These are your philanthropists, your Mother Teresa, your charity leaders who care not about how much they get, but rather how much they can help people.

For some, they choose to waste it. Be it on gambling, womanizing, drinking, and so on and so forth. These are your bums, the very bane of society, those whom society rather not recognize. Your murderers, your psychopaths, and your fucking rapists.

For me, life is a bitch.

There are the laughs, there are the sad times, and most of all, there are the restraining times.

Most of the times in my life, the word restrain has always been the way to describe me. Whether it be at home, or in school, or wherever I fucking go, this feeling has always been with me, time and time again.

There are times where I ask myself, why can't life be more fairer?

And yes, countless times, countless people have told me to think of the less fortunate and count my blessings.

Count my blessings.

I suppose I should.

Starting work tomorrow, have to reach Parkway Parade by 8.30 am.

Which is fucking early. lol.

Considering I stay in Choa Chu Kang, for that matter.

Such will be my schedule until next monday.

Let's bring it on =)

I think I should list out what I want in life.

Makes things a whole lot easier.

Let's see.

Things Jeremiah wants in his life at the moment:

1) To spend as much time with Eleanor as possible. Doesn't really matter if she's my gf before NS or not. I just wanna spend time and just talk to her..

2) To join FriendChild and get my team under me ASAP. This time, we're gonna make it.

3) To exercise. LOL.

4) To have a bloody good time with all my friends!!

I guess that's it for now.

I should sleep.

I need to wake up at like 5.30am tmr for work.

These few weeks I've been waking up at like 11+am.

Shit, kinda scared I won't get used to it.

I should really be nicer to my mum, but when she bitches on bout shutting down the computer and bla bla bla bout the fucking electricity, it really pisses me off.

When I get money, life will certainly be more carefree than this shit now.

Oh well.

I'm gonna re-format my computer soon, it fucking lags when I play Dota >.>

Screw Vista, and screw Norton, which adds to the lagging process all the more.

ZoneAlarm + AVG 8.0 > Norton Anti-virus.

And I reckon it's a lot less lag as well.

Best of all, it's fucking free!

So, I shall end my rather meaningless and random post here.

And wish me luck! =D

Nitez all.

Sweet fucking dreams.

I should really stop using swear words.

NOT. (credits to Hong =x)

Okok, I'll cut down, but only if she asks me to LOL.

I'm sure you all know who the she is haha.

2008-08-02T22:04:00.002+08:00

Ok.

The definition of a friend is based on the individual, like philosophy, there is no right or wrong. I said this because quite a few friends started mentioning bout it, so yeah, just to clarify matters. There is NO RIGHT OR WRONG. heh.

Other than that, I might decide to join FriendChild.

I'll tell you more about it next time. =)

Other than that, Tian Chan said something to me which really made sense.

From Plato, the philosopher.

Each of us are born incomplete, and that forms the basis for the reason for our wanting for love, for longing, for that special person.

Which is why our boy/girlfriends or spouses are usually referred to as our other half or our significant other.

Reminds me of the Adam and Eve, where Eve was made from a rib of Adam, and thus was made by God through Adam. Which I suppose is why the word "woman" has the word "man" inside.

Interesting yeah?

Was talking to Isaac last night, and one thing he highlighted, well made me think a little.

He mentioned about a fear, with regards to what I wrote for Eleanor.

About fear, the fear of losing her, that she would be someone else's, or if she just decided to ignore me completely.

Sigh.

It just hit me suddenly from behind me, like it was there all along, but I just didn't realise it.

Well I said I would have a positive outlook on life yeah?

Eleanor's fever is gone! d^.^b

And here I am, sounding just like a small kid. lol

Well, I went to draw money this evening, and first thing I saw? Long Queue.

So I got in line, and I noticed that out of the 3 machines, 1 was not being used, yet it looked like it had no problems at all.

So this girl went in, and tried to insert her card inside the machine, it couldn't xD

Last thing we need during peak hours is a machine which you can't insert your card into.

Ok, so this other woman was using 1 of the 2 ATMs left, and she called her friend to the machine.

It turned out, the ATM had a case of BSOD.

Don't ask me how the hell an ATM can get BSOD.

So last thing we need during PEAK HOURS is a machine which you can't insert your card into and a machine which has BSOD.

Right, so waited and waited, and withdrew my cash.

What a day.

2008-08-02T01:13:00.003+08:00

What is defined as a friend?

Or rather, what is defined as a friend who would listen to you and give you advice, whether you might like or not?

Perhaps I realized that deeper today.

There's this ongoing incident that happened way back when I was still in Sunshine Empire, and it just made me feel damn guilty, like the burden is solely on my chest.

At that very point, I felt very strongly that I deserved nothing more than to be hanged or shot to death, because of my actions and my friend whom I implicated inside Sunshine.

I talked to Ed on msn, and Hong on the phone.

I can say I feel much better now.

Thanks a lot guys, you fucking mean a lot to me, in a bro way. lol

And I know numerous other people who will be willing to just listen to me, and if they were there, even offer a hug and words of encouragement.

That's what defines a true friend.

You would be there for a friend, even if you were really busy.

Even listening to him would be really really appreciated by the one who's down.

It made me really want to appreciate my friends more, since I take a lot of things for granted anyway.

Something's calling out to me, to change for the better.

To be a better person, to take responsibility and not be a useless bum.

I hope I can do this.

Eleanor, I'll just be straight here.

I know my feelings are raw, premature, and highly uncertain because let's face fact shall we? We don't know each other very well, or even well for that matter.

and for that very reason alone you have the right to reject me and stop talking to me altogether.

I guess I'm just too impatient, counting down to like. hmm 46 or 47 days left till NS.

I just wanted to know that you could be there for me, just like I would do my best to be there for you if you ever needed me.

It's my fault on this too I guess.

All the sarcasm, all the sms-es, I just needed someone there for me.

And I wanted that someone to be you.

I made a mistake one too many.

And I'm sorry for that.

But anyway, get well soon alrite?

and all the best for your common tests =)

I still have loads of stuff planned for us x)

Hmm, if any guys see this and think

"oh this is some wussy chasing after a girl who wont like him and he's going emo bla bla bla".

You can take your words, and shove them up your ass.

If you think you're the alpha male, and start criticizing me on the way I wan to handle my own love stuff, then you're dead wrong.

I believe in love as 2 people commit themselves to each other, and just being there for each other, through the rain and shine.

I believe in being faithful, and not playing around when I already have someone.

My heart got broken many times, and regrettably I broke a few girls hearts too.

But I learn, how to love her the way I want to, and the way I know best,

and that's something no one can take.

I believe in a sempiternal love, where no matter what happens I will always be there for her, and she for me.

Ok I sound really sanctimonious all of a sudden but it's what I fucking feel.

So don't judge me simply based on what you believe to be "facts".

I should go sleep.

Sort of a long day tmr.

Blogging is good for health.

A positive outlook on life is what I need, and that's what I will do (:

I refuse to be the pusillanimous person I once was, and I will be a better person.

Just watch me =)

2008-08-01T00:56:00.003+08:00

I'll be working next week at Expo, the Book Fair.

Counting moneh! $$$

Just some cashiering job, I wonder how the crowd will be like.

6 days, although half of the days will be 9am to 10pm. It's really chionging these few days for that pretty high pay haha.

I hope I'll do fine.

I think I will! haha.

Anyway, met Hong and MX again to hunt.

Same old same old.

As Hong and I were walking back, we were talking.

He wondered if we were just wasting time meeting and stuff, and added that it was a sacrifice as well. Going home late, waking up late, with school and all.

Then he added, just spending time with each other as friends, having a good laugh, having some fun, especially before my NS.

That really struck me.

It just makes you think, especially if you have a countdown on the amount of time you could spend with your friends, or to do what you wanted or liked.

It just makes you want to treasure every moment, and make the best even out of something you don't like to do, like NS hahaha.

This kind of feeling, just makes me want to make the most of what I am before NS, what I can be during NS, and the things I can achieve after NS.

Guys and gals who've been reading my blog know that what I type is usually me ranting, me talking bout love, or just some petty stuff that happened throughout the day. That wasn't me. Maybe it was what I thought I am, but now, things seem so different.

The human mind is a fickle one, and I'm no exception.

All I know now is that I want to make the most of out my time with my family and friends, with my ventures and partners, with work, and with her.

It just really makes you think doesn't it?

When the world crashes around you, when all you thought was true were merely lies fabricated within your own mind.

That's when we step out of our selfish existence, and start to really live.

Sigh.

Enough for today I guess.

Could use some sleep.

2008-07-28T23:32:00.002+08:00

Worked today, although I was damn unwilling to in the 1st place lol.

Dragged my sorry ass to Kelly Services, then to Bugis to work.

First few hours were dead boring, was standing around, being bored to death.

Then after dinner break, which ended at like 6pm, my supervisor asked me to go to Lorong Ah Soo to get something, as which I soon learned, wasn't a joke.

I didn't even know what the place was lol.

So I took a bus, straight bus, not gay xD

(rather cold joke)

lol!

hmm so yeah, these 2 girls and a guy came onboard in some school uniform, and started blasting some techno music.

Now, i consider myself to be an Euro Techno, Hardcore Techno, and Speedcore Techno fan but being highly irritated as I was at that time, and having added the fact that they were playing some low grade techno friggin loud was kinda pissing me off.

Hmm whatever.

So yeah, got there, sorta lost myself (I ain't even heard of the place lol)

Found the place, got the package, and started going back.

Now, on the way back, the bus 51 passes by Geylang, which is our red light district.

Saw some pretty weird signage.

1) "Love is Love". Sweet huh? =)

Till you see the bottom, "Adult Toys wholesale center"

I don't know bout you, but "Adult Toys" and "Wholesale Center" just doesn't link for me. It just doesn't. Sounds weird.

2) "The Whole Earth" Whoa!

And below that big big sign -> "Vegetarian Food"

I mean, come on, who the hell comes up with these names?

3) Note: I assumed this was the words as it was intended to be, as only these words had the same neon lighting.

"GAY WORLD HOTEL"

And yes, they were THAT big.

I was wtf and lmao-ing at the same time.

There was one last one, but I kinda forgot bout it.

Went back to the roadshow, did some stuff, head on home!

And, I just realized how irritated I can be without my iPod.

For starters, My iPod is aging, and the button sensitivity can be damn loose.

I practically left my iPod on without me knowing it.

I was like wtf!!!!

So on the way home, mum asked me to buy some food, which irritated me because I didn't have my son-of-a-bitch iPod which has loose buttons, or rather it had no batt. If it had batt, I would gladly get some food for my mum, but no my iPod played me out.

So I went to draw money to get the food.

This is what I saw -> "The amount you are trying to withdraw exceeds the amount you have in your account", or something like that. I raised an eyebrow.

I checked my balance, $20.xx

minimum withdrawal amount is 20 bucks

i tried to withdraw 20 bucks, which I had, and it didn't allow me to.

Nvm, I try again.

Same thing, only this time it gave me the sarcasm only the ATM machine can give when you don't have money in your account (or when you actually DO have money), and the ATM doesn't want to give it to you.

All in all, a rather ok day.

Going to apply for a job at New York New York tmr.

Victor and Xavier played me out =.=

48 days left.

It really makes you think doesn't it?

Eleanor, hope to see you on Wednesday yeah?

I planned quite a few stuff that we could do, not only on Wednesday of course.

But in the meantime, good luck for your exams!

Sleep early, and don't get stressed too much yeah?

You don't wanna be a panda like me LOL.

Hmm so yeah.

Im outta here. =)

2008-07-24T23:27:00.004+08:00

Girl..

I'm really sorry if I came on too strong,

and if at 1 point or another you regretted knowing me.

It's just that.. I really cannot just sit down and watch you be sad.

I just can't.

I have to do something, anything. But I just can't.

I would come over at 4am in the morning if you needed me.

I would cook for you (Though I haven't cooked in a damn long time lol)

I would just be willing to spend time with you, anytime you wanted.

I guess, on my part, I'm just too anxious.

And I'm sorry if this scared you or anything girl.

I really am.

I just hope we still can meet next week yeah?

I wanna meet you as much as I can before NS.

But yeah, you still don't know me that well.

But what can I do.........

Anyway.

Might be getting a job as a waiter at New York New York soon.

"Attractive pay + incentives"

Right.

I'll go for the interview next week, with Xavier and maybe Victor.

Other than that.

Oh yeah.

Some funny shit happened a coupla days back when I was at Sim Lim with Shahid.

*rolls the play*

Note: This is a re-enactment. I can't remember every single thing that was said lol.

(Jeremiah walks into a gaming shop)

Jer: Excuse me, how much do you sell your Xbox 360 for?

ShopKeeper (SK): Ah ok. You went to the other stalls don't sell already right?

Jer: Erm.. Sorta.

(Jer and SK Walks)

SK: This set. Xbox 360 Pro, 20Gb, my last set. I give you 560.

Jer: Oh ok. Comes with a controller right?

SK: Ya. (Walks to some shelf, and puts the controller on top of the box).

Jer: It's ok man. Thanks.

(Starts to walk off)

SK: Wait wait. You really don't want meh? Last set. You go outside can't find liao. Microsoft stopped production already.

Jer: No, it's really ok.

SK: Okok. I tell you what. I give you extra wireless controller.

(SK walks to the counter, takes his calculator, and acts like he's imputing some important digits)

He showed me the calculator quite proudly.

SK: $580! Final offer ah. Only for you. You come again no more.

I was stunned.

Reasonably good offer. But I don't have any fucking money on me. hahaha.

Jer: Eh. I no cash on me. Sorry ah. Maybe next time.

SK: NETS no money ah?

Jer: ...

SK: Give me your NETS card. I help you transact. If got money then buy, no money then don't buy lo.

Jer: ... No thanks. Cya

(Runs out of the shop.)

I have never met a more persistent salesman.

And that's the day I got the flu too. =)

But that's pretty random.

Well, I have to buck up on my articles.

seriously.

Have to work hard for my future =)

52 days left till NS.

I really wanna see that smile on your face Eleanor.

Least there's something still worth fighting for in there.

I would do anything to make sure you're happy. Trust me.

I'm out. Nitez.

2008-07-22T01:30:00.003+08:00

You have got to be kidding me.

No really.

Please, please tell me you're kidding.

No, it's all real.

2 years.

I'm scared.

No, not of the training and shit. I don't give a fuck about that. Really.

I just wanna go in, do the shit I'm "supposed" to do, and get the fuck out.

I don't care about rank and stuff, I just want to do my businesses and do them well.

I wanna spend time on my businesses, with Eleanor (when hopefully she accepts me), and other stuff. Not some shit position in the fucking conscription.

There's pressure I suppose, when almost everyone I know, be it family or friends, all have become Sergeants or Officers. I don't care, really.

I'm going into my own business, I'm going to make a hell lot of money from there, and NS isn't going to stop me one bit. Fuck them all.

Forget it.

I'm just angry.

Really angry.

Girl, if we're together, will you wait for me?

I really don't know what to think now.

I can certainly strive for OCS in army.

I can change my opinions about the conscription.

I can be happier bout our pretty useless govt for a change.

If only, you would be mine...

Kinda sick too.

Flu.

Damn weather.

Im outta here.

Bye.

I miss you Eleanor, but you know that alrdy.

And probably sick and tired of hearing it from me all the time.

2008-07-20T20:35:00.002+08:00

By now, most of my friends (who visit my blog anyway) should know that I'm rather anti-government. No surprise there! =D

Anyway, I was going to rant on and on about some matter bugging me. But hey, don't really feel in the mood. I should really do an article highlighting the really really good points of Singapore. Then I'll come with at least twice as many reasons why Singapore is really a fucked up place, and why we should fucking change our whole system.

And for people telling me: "Hey jere! Watch yo mouth man! You could get arrested!"

Thanks, but no thanks.

Good advice though, considering what happened to the 2 racial bloggers who subsequently got arrested and jailed, the MrBrown case where he was fired from the newspaper for speaking the truth, and of course numerous cases of brave souls who were humiliated by the infamous old man when he stood in his way ("his way" including anything that is harmful to the "well being" of this small cuntry called Singapore).

A fine load of bullshit, if I do say so myself. =)

Hmm..

Lee Hsien Loong's annual salary is about. 3.8mil SGD?

Which is a hell lot, for a government head.

Even the US president earns an annual salary of 400,ooo USD.

What the fuck.

That's all I can say.

And it's not like Lee Hsien Loong, or the PAP are doing anything really big for that matter to deserve that much of a salary.

Look at George W. Bush. Sure, he's not a really liked president, but to have his decisions make big impacts (whether good or bad) surely calls for something more than a measly 400k a year. The weight of the world is on his shoulders, quite literally.

In response, he said that a portion of his salary will go to charity. I really have nothing to say about that. Come on, are we that stupid? Does he think that the whole lot of us are dogs? Sure, most of us are, unfortunately.

And quoting from Wikipedia, "Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew claimed (without proof) in parliament that the reason why the Singapore head of state, along with his ministers, deserve such a high income is due to the fact that Singapore is a small country and lacks a large pool of talented people."

Is this really our great leader? Don't make me laugh. Like, really.

They should really be more transparent with what the government does, as in, much much more. Surely they don't want another NKF incident right? And we all know the shit that happened that time.

Singapore will fall, that is, unless we change our system. Otherwise, we will never fucking progress.

That's my piece for now, but as everyone knows, it won't be the end =)

If they read this and get really pissed off, and I think you know who are the "they",

I just might get a visit from the police at my door.

But what can they arrest me for?

Condemning Singapore?

Last I heard, there was at least a measure of free speech (Although in Singapore, that's pitifully low, I'll touch on that another day).

Inciting a riot?

Give me a break. Most Singaporeans are too pussy to gather and have a protest or some shit. And going alone or in a small group? You have to be brave but smart enough to know that they will slaughter you and hang your head in the form of the media to scare any others foolish enough to go against this elitist government.

For lying?

I'm stating facts, with some research involved.

Sue me? I'll countersue you. Simple.

And, there's a blue ribbon on the side of my blog, you should be able to see it.

Freedom of speech online.

That's what we need.

I've said enough.

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

2008-07-18T23:55:00.002+08:00

I am no longer going in on the 16th of September.

In fact.

It has changed, if you didn't know already.

But. Changed to when, you may ask?

By change, I mean it's a different date, and a different time.

And it was delivered to me by "snail mail"

Still at Tekong, still at school 1, but what change, you might ask?

And you may be saying: "FUCK YOU LA Jere! KAO BEI talk so much. Tell us la."

Ahem. Ok then, my gracious viewer who is holding back on vulgarities.

My new date is.... *drumroll*

....

...

....

...

15th Sept! =D

LOL. Yeah yeah I know. LAME.

But don't ask me. I just got that damn letter today haha.

Hmm people all around me, are telling me..

Go for higher rank; more pay, more respect. blah blah blah.

I find that bullshit. Plain and simple.

Besides, being a normal infantryman aint that bad.

After all, I reckon I should have more time to focus on my businesses.

Instead of earning that pathetic pay the army gives.

And I prolly won't bother much with the army anyway.

2 years of my life. Just what more do they want.

What to do, what to do. Nothing.

Almost everywhere we go, there's propaganda everywhere.

I won't mention too much now, of course.

Although I could write a whole essay on it.

This is a prison, nothing more and a whole lot less.

Only thing that keeps me from bursting out at our group of dictators and that old man.

(I won't mention names here)

Only person, rather, is her.

Everytime I see her face (even on a photograph),

all the bad stuff just goes away.

All my thoughts of bitterness, my thoughts of hate, of rebellion.

Just disappear.

I have that sense of calmness and peace when I just see her.

I'm becoming damn mushy >.<

It's been quite awhile since I met a girl, who could ignite such feelings in me..

If there ever was a person that you fell in love with,

and whether or not he or she liked you in the first place, it didn't matter.

No matter what, you would always continue waiting for that person, even if the world should collapse that very day.

She's that one for me, I know it.

That being said,

Jeremiah <3>

Always waiting for you girl.

And doncha forget it ;)

2008-07-18T00:33:00.002+08:00

And so passes another day.

Lemmie see.

Tian Chan came to my place to discuss about the new business forum we have.

If you didn't know the link, here it is:

http://www.ysge.freeforums.org

It's still a work in progress, so don't mind the emptiness and typos if any.

Well, other than that only managed to complete 1 article today.

What the hell is wrong with me.

Must at least finish 7 more before sat.

Damn.

I miss her, but that shouldn't come as a surprise.

Girl, I don't know what's happening in your life..

But I want to, more than anything.

I want to take your troubles, your burdens

Anything to see you smile again.

I wanna hold your hand, and never ever let it go no matter what.

I'll spend the night with you when you're sad,

I'll laugh with you when you're happy,

I'll hand your hand when you're down,

and I'll kiss you when you're angry =]

I just want to love you, Eleanor.

Hope we can meet real soon yeah?

I miss you dearly, all the time.

Im outta here. nitez.

Articles!

2008-07-14T01:56:00.002+08:00

I'm writing articles now.

Presenting: 10 things to NOT do when writing articles.

1) Play Dota or any pc game for that matter

2) Play PSP

3) Go for a snack

4) Whip out the iPod and start blasting favorite songs and jamming to them

5) Start sms-ing

6) Open up iTunes and start playing some song

7) Watch YouTube

8) Daydreaming, or night dreaming in my case

9) Blog

10) Do lame shit such as making a list of 10 things to not do when writing articles.

That's bout it.

Why the hell am I doing this?

>.>

Right looks like I'll just have completed 5 articles by tonight

Must buck up!

Jap nu-metal and hip hop is the shit.

Im out yo.

Will update links soon.

2008-07-10T19:58:00.002+08:00

I was listening to Ana Johnsson - We Were, while washing the dishes at approx. 1945 hours when my mum came back, which was a shock because I was blasting the song in my iPod and didn't hear anyone come in.

She said there was a letter from the CMPB.

1st thought: SHIT.

And I thought aloud too, which means it came out of my mouth.

And my mum was quick to retort that any vulgar language would not be tolerated in this household.

>.>

<.<

Yeah, whatever.

Anyway I expected a PES B to stand straight out there in the letter, taunting me with the 2 years of conscription. But what came out was... A shock?

I got a PES A L1.

Don't ask me how.

I didn't even pass my NAPFA (Which is some physical training test shit).

I can't do a single pull up, which I couldn't care less.

And.

I still don't know how I got a PES A.

But ah well. Fuck it.

2 years of conscription.

Of wasting my time.

Of wasting my fucking youth.

Here I come.

People have often said they missed the times in NS

and that NS has given them knowledge to survive in society.

I must be the minority then.

NS might get me fitter, but I would rather focus on my business and get money instead.

Fuck this shit.

I still miss her. Badly.

I want to hold her in my arms.

I want to plant kisses on her cheek.

I wanna go on a roller coaster with her.

I wanna hold her tight to my chest, under the starry night, while falling asleep hugging her.

I wanna cook for her, and make her breakfast in bed.

I want her to be the reason for my every smile and everything that I am doing.

I want to be the one who comforts her when she's sad,

to support her in whatever she does,

to be happy when she's happy,

and to tell her how cute she looks when she's angry.

To whisper sweet nothings in her ear,

and to make it a reality 5 minutes later.

I would give her more than the world,

would love her more than anything else ever.

And even give up drinking and gaming for her =p

Girl I really wish you would see this now,

even though you don't know you are the one i miss,

the one I think about,

the one I love.

And yet, we talk as if we are just friends.

I hope one day your name will be here, and I can say that we are together..

Then I'll never let you go. =]

That pretty much sums it up.

Nitez all.

And yeah girl, you're always on my mind =]

2008-07-09T11:51:00.004+08:00

My piercing came out. =.=''

Might not have the stud back for the time being.

For some reason it's hurting like hell.

anyway.

mum's been nagging at me to find a job.

2 words: "Fuck You".

Long hours and low pay define most of the jobs nowadays.

It's fucked up.

So yeah, I won't get a job until I find one with reasonable pay at least.

maybe the least, 6 an hour.

Then I'll probably spend most of it at 1 shot

hahaha.

Which brings me to this.

Everything's going up.

From electricity, to cab fares, to public transportation.

And like most Singaporeans are lamenting, why isn't our pay going up?

We, the common people, are working our asses off and have to scrimp like fuck to survive.

Our more prominent figures (or shall I say figureheads), are enjoying their fucking life.

Is this what we want? Is this what we are striving for?

I think for most, they are happy enough with this.

I'm not.

But this isn't the US, or any of our neighboring countries.

There are no such things as riots or protests.

Even when we do open our mouth, we'll get slit right in the throat just for that.

Simple.

Sometimes, I wonder whether living here is a blessing or a god damn curse.

We can get priority healthcare, bonus packages from the government (which are just propaganda material anyway), cheap education, blah blah blah. Our tax is pretty low too, compared to other countries. But at what cost?

In this country, there's no such thing as having a choice.

Our government promotes democracy, but we are nothing but an aristocratic nation where only the elitists survive.

If you are good in studies or can be a good dog in the army and have your rank raised pretty high, your future's pretty much secured.

For the others however, most part time jobs have inefficient pay. Even for the full timers, and though you can survive with full time pay. What is to become of your life? First promotion in 3 years? A fucking increment of 200 fucking dollars? And work till the day you fucking die? Even our workers union leader was quoted as saying old folks should work as well (something along that line anyway).

And me? I'm a academic failure. At least I would be deemed as such.

I'm a poly half way drop (PHD).

Meaning I dropped out from polytechnic after a year.

My "O" level results aren't fantastic.

I don't have the money to go for a fucking private education, and trust me, it's a real wallet killer.

I'm going to serve my god forsaken country.

Fucking conscription.

Whoo Pee Doo!

ANOTHER 2 FUCKING YEARS OF MY FUCKING LIFE GONE.

As if I wasn't DISCRIMINATED enough when I was given the LEAST PRIORITY when applying for a different polytechnic just fucking because I was a FUCKING DROPOUT.

You think it's fair?

DO YOU FUCKING THINK IT'S FUCKING FAIR TO MY FUCKING FUCKING LIFE.

No, I really don't think so.

We in Singapore. No education = no survival.

At least in places like the US or Australia, the pay seems a hell lot better, and we're all doing the same shit here.

Come on. Even a waitress (my friend) in California earns almost 9 US dollars an hour, and the most in Singapore is like 6.50?

Let's do the math shall we?

9 Us dollars = which is almost 12 SGD an hour.

6.50 SGD = 4.80 US dollars.

What a fucking joke.

And this "highest pay" is equivalent to working some of the harder banquet and waitering jobs.

Sure they have higher tax. So fucking what.

Just do the math, they will still earn more than pathetic pathetic us.

I think I have vented enough for now.

My business is my priority.

I fucking swear, I will earn at least tenfold during these 2 years compared to the fucking pitiful pay the army dishes out.

My gf is also my priority. As soon as she accepts me anyway xD

hmm. I <3>

That should be enough. I think.

let me think, and not forgetting gaming and friends.

That's a lot.

I don't mind cutting down on gaming for my gf tho. heh heh.

Right.

Enough of my venting.

Im out.

Peace.

2008-07-01T20:42:00.002+08:00

I heard a voice last night
It said wake up and open your eyes
Wake up, walk out tonight
Cause she don't care if you're dead or alive

She moves like beams of light
Straight through this universe in my head
Where I get peace of mind
I'm free from the stupid things that I said
She's all in my head

Did I get lost while I was gone?
I traveled space for much too long
But there's a planet that I have found
And you are far away for now

Somewhere behind her eyes
Some supernatural energy takes me for quite the ride
Across time where I defy gravity
All this energy

Did I get lost while I was gone?
I traveled space for much too long
But there's a planet I have found
And you are far away for now

What do we do now
We wait
For what
For her to come back
I don't think she's coming back
So
I'm sick of waiting

Did I get lost while I was gone?
I traveled space for much too...

Did I get lost while I was gone?
I traveled space for much too long
But there's a planet I have found
And you are far away (far away)
You are far away
You are far away for now

Yellowcard - Space Travel

I feel so empty inside again.
I wonder why.
These feelings of angst, of hatred
is rising again.
I wonder if I can control it,
but this voice in my head,
it stops me from doing so.
In fact, it encourages it.

If only, I could be with her.
If only..
Going into NS all lonely and shit isn't the best way to spend my time there.
Give me something to fight for inside
Give me that motivation.
Nothing on me will give me motivation to pull through
only her..

2008-06-26T18:54:00.002+08:00

Too much F.E.A.R. = Paranoia

Nuff said.

If you want to play this alone, and can't take scary as hell games, don't play it alone.
I thought F.E.A.R. was scary, but fuck,
Extraction Point is worse. lol.

Went to Edward's place last night to play mostly F.E.A.R.
Wasn't really scary, at least for the first part anyway.
It can fucking make a grown man shit in his pants once he reaches the mid part all the way to the end.

Slept for over an hour or so.
Came back, finished up the last part of FEAR, which freaked me out completely and it was 1pm in the afternoon =.=
Went over to Extraction Point, scary as fuck.

hahaha
oh well..
im off. nitez

2008-06-25T00:18:00.002+08:00

Haven't updated in awhile.
Rushing my articles.
Completed 19 at one go. A record!!
was aiming for 25 though.
No matter, for a first try it's pretty good (:

slept at like 5 plus? haha.
I find that I love working at night,
for some reason I have more motivation haha.
Maybe it's the pressure?
Perhaps.
Maybe the night is just quiet..
Fuck the day, can't get shit done.

Will update more tmr.
Going to bed.
Nite

2008-06-18T20:22:00.004+08:00

This is for her.

She caught me by surprise,
her pleasant eyes, her sweet sweet smile.
Captivated my very being,
and brought me back to a time so old,
where feelings of wantings and love just come about again.
And for a fleeting second, I could imagine just being with her,
she being mine, and I being hers.
And reality, cunning cunning reality,
always being the one to break me down and tear me apart.

It always starts off sweet,
but slowly and surely I will fade,
I will sink. Moralities, dignity, pride, honour, they will have no significance.
Deja vu, as they say.
And as I write this now, I am slowly breaking inside.
With thoughts of madness and insanity running amok,
I can only hope she can hear me, and hear my plea.
As I sink deeper into the sand, into the depths of my demise,
I weep, for I have fallen.
And I shall not rise, from the black pit of my heart.

And I wake up,
knowing it was a dream, but wishing that it was real.
I crumble, cursing my very existence and self.
As my thoughts drift to her and only her.
I am falling.
Again.

And here I shall end,
in despair.

Hmmm. NS in 3 months.
People are telling me to exercise, and with good reason too
in light of the recent "accidents" regarding the NSF. Real sad.
But hey, I don't care.
In fact, if I died I'll welcome death with open arms (:
After all, what's there to be sad about?
No more pain, no more emotions, sure no happiness, but that comes rarely.
And no more facing imbeciles on this little earth, that's something worth looking forward to.
Of course, don't just read this and assume, "JEREMIAH IS SUICIDAL! CALL THE COPS!"
Nono, I won't kill myself, I'm not that stupid.
I'm just saying I would prefer to die. (:
Like anyone would call anyway. hahaha.

It's just me.
So yeah. Hmm.

I blast my music on my iPod I'm gonna get deaf.
I face the computer so often I'm gonna be blind one day.
I'm not even jogging for that NS shit.
I think I'm gonna be so damn screwed.

I'm just waiting for her.
Then I'll change everything at one shot xD
Just. For. Her.
Just watch me.
Of course, till that happens,
here is me, throwing my life away.
Ain't life a bitch.

So yeah, I'm outta here.

P.s.: A post without the F word. My my. I must be changing.
Hmmm.... NOT!
Fuck! hahaha

Ok I'm crazy ^^

2008-06-17T00:51:00.002+08:00

Mind is willing, soul remains.
This woman cannot be saved.
From the drawn into the fire.
Any danger,
bring it on home!

Much to weak to jump yourself,
Heal the wounds or crack the shell.
Lift yourself from once below,
Praise the anger,
bring it on home!

Yes, it's a good song.
Y'all should go see the video. That's some sick shit right there.
Hey since I'm so kind I'll just paste the link here for y'all.
Here we go.
If you don't get the video, just go look up "Heaven's Gate", some old cult back in the States where 38 of the members were found dead, poisoned to death, all voluntarily. Crazy sons of a bitches.

Uneventful day. To say the least.
Finished up my batch of articles after much procrastination.
And so here I go.
What should I do now?
I feel so lost..

Anyway, I believe in freedom of speech, anywhere.
I can say the F word any fucking time I like, whether it's at home or in the virtual world.
So yeah, just something I would like to say to my mum.
And anybody who opposes massive use of the F word.

Hmm. Support Anarchy.
Though there are many versions here is the definition from dictionary.com

Absence of any form of political authority.
Political disorder and confusion.
Absence of any cohesive principle, such as a common standard or purpose.

Another form of anarchy is to oppose capitalism as well, though I shall not touch on that till I do more research.

So yeah, we need to do something, anything, until our fucked up system can give us what democracy really is, not shutting us up in one fucking corner and fucking us up for any small thing anyone of us do.
But hey I'm crazy, and I didn't mention names or country.
I hope I have some form of legal indemnity.
Or maybe not. After all, the government, in this place, controls all.

Don't understand what I've said?
Chat in msn.
I'll be glad to tell you all about it.

So yeah.
I'm outta here.
Arrivederci.

2008-06-14T21:20:00.002+08:00

I'm pissed.

Damn pissed.
Fucking NS.
Fuck my mum's fucking threats and her fucking fickle-minded mind.
Fuck her nagging.
Fuck everything she says.
So does she want this or want that?
Oh wait, I don't fucking care!

So what if she already has some contractor for some renovation shit in my house (if it happens)
I already have a contact for that, and I'm fairly certain it's better than her contact.
Good fucking god.

Fuck this shit.
And can she STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO FUCKING DO?
I feel like taking something hard and just whacking her with it. Then I'll go to jail for assualt and attempted manslaughter. hahaha.
Yeah I'm crazy.
So what if I used my fucking com for the whole fucking day.
It's my fucking life
Her words have no fucking bearing on me anyway.
Fuck her. Fuck her. Fuck her.

I wanna move out, or earn enough cash to shut her big mouth up.
That'll be good too.

I should take a chill pill.
GOD DAMN IT.

Im out.
Peace motherfuckers.

2008-06-13T21:16:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was a fucking fun day..

Went to Wei Hong's one day chalet.
Couldn't check in immediately though, there was some cock up with the staff.
Really disappointed in their service.
Hey, at least we got in...... 2 and a half hours later ==

So we got in, settled down.
AND.

Imagine this,

7 guys, 19 - 20 years old.
Sitting in one little chalet room.
Passing around TOM AND JERRY crackers,
while watching POKEMON on KIDS CENTRAL.

Gay! xD

So yeah, we went for dinner after that.
The food court opposite wild wild wet.

I bought jap curry rice with chicken cutlets, Hong bought some udon with chicken (cutlets?).
Mine was a small plate, with 2 small pieces of potatoes and some rice. Some. Which was quite pathetic.
Hong's udon tasted like the instant udon with some pieces of chicken laid neatly to one side.
And trust me, I've had PLENTY of instant udon.
Mine was like 5 bucks. wtf.

2 scenarios, either they did use the instant udon and charge exorbitant prices for it

OR

the instant udon i ate must be PRETTY DAMN GOOD. =D

Then we walked over to the E-Hub arcade.
Wei Hong and MX completed the Silent Hill game, and where there were plenty of Initial D and World Combat as well. That 4 player game where you fight skeletons. I think my gun was screwed up.

Went back to the chalet after that.
Watched some show on possession and then some anime, for awhile.
Then the war began.

9 guys. In 1 intense shootout, where the fate of the world will be decided.
They have been training their whole lives for this moment, for this chance at world domination.
Armed to the teeth, with... WATER PISTOLS.

That was pretty damn fun xD
Then in the final part we were chasing Benjamin around, he runs damn fast.
Then got a few guys bbq-ing nearby.
They said something, like talking to themselves, but saying it loud enough for me to hear. >.>
"Eh, grow up la"

I smiled.
Sometimes, you don't have to act your age.
Besides, just how long do you get to do this kinda stuff?
Please, it was my first time too!
Chill a little (:

So yeah, after that Edward, Ryan, Hong and I went to Pasir Ris Park.
Edward and Ryan went ahead first.
I bought a 1.5l bottle of coke at Cheers, while Hong bought a big bottle of green tea and some chips for like 3 bucks. Great Success! (Insert Borat accent here).

So while we were walking to meet up with E and R
I was burping to Hong, and he was damn irritated. :p
So he was like daring me to burp 5 more times (or was it me?) Hmm.
Then all of a sudden this couple behind us, the guy just burped.
And said," I can do it 5 more times"
hahahahahah xD
classic.

Then halfway, Hong and I realized we were walking the wrong way.
=.=''
So we walked back, bbq pit 23 I think.
and in front, lo and behold was a tent.
wtf.
pitch so near to the pathway.

So we were talking, and all of a sudden.
This malay dude comes to the table, and slams a roll of newspaper on the table acting like a big fuck. Edward and I were closest to him so, he asked the dude if he was playing truth or dare.
The dude shouted something like a war chant, and slammed the newspaper on my head.
I was like WTF.
I was still pretty stunned so I just sat there, if not I'll just have beaten the fuck out of that motherfucking piece of shit.
So their numbers were about 12
my little group? 4.
I reckoned most of them were drunk though.
So yeah, they took Edward's ciggs, like all 6
used and then spoiled his lighter. Wtf.
And if that wasn't enough, one of them threatened Hong.
Fuck them all.
If I see his face again I'm gonna break his fucking nose.

And remember the tent?
The fucking bitch gave it a kick, must've scared the hell out of the people inside.
I fucking swear, if I ever saw him again..

So, after that, walked back to the chalet, bathed, and played a card game.
Nervous, wrecking, and damn stress.
I won't go into the details of how the game works, but I'll just say what happened.

One side: Yi Rong, Benjamin and myself.
Yi Rong fell from the bed, tried to grab my hand, I didn't move.
No one said a word.
Until.

Benjamin: Oi Jeremiah what you do?
Jeremiah: (Panics) What I do? What I do??
Benjamin: (Extends handshake) Welcome to the club.
Jeremiah: (Thinking in mind) SHIT!!!!

I fell for that hook line and sinker lol.

And Edward's incident oso. Quite funny.
Benjamin, Yi Rong and I were lvl 1 or 2 (the higher the lvl the worse it is :p)
So Edward decided to join us!
Yay!

He shook hands with Ben, Yi Rong and Me.
He was really happy.
Then he shook hands with KL.

Let's just say that was pretty fast. haha.

After that, a few of us went to sleep, while the remaining few whipped out their psp (pronounced psssstttt)

Then played for a few hours, then the ones who were awake walked to Mac. I tried the McGriddles. Not too bad, could be bigger though.
So after that, bla bla bla.
Check out, went home.
I had a great time.
Im missing it already.

Quite sick now too.
Damn flu, damn fever and damn ulcers!!!
I need some sleep.
Like, badly.
Im outta here.

Nites!

2008-06-11T12:51:00.002+08:00

being chosen as one of the lucky ones by Wei kiat!

Questions !
1.What disappoints you the most?
When things go very very wrong..

2.Where will you go if someone sponsors you a tour ticket?
The Caribbean , Hawaii, Italy, Japan

3.What's your favorite thing to do?
Writing, and gaming ^_^

4.Do you think $ can buy happiness?
A little. Although $$ can buy alot of things.

5.Do you hate your friends and family?
Sometimes..

6. If you have a chance to choose , do you still wants to stay in singapore or overseas?
Overseas, fuck Singapore. hard up laws and no rights to the freedom of speech.

7.what are you afraid to lose the most ?
GF and my god bros.

8. If you win $1 million , what would you do?
mostly on investments..

9.what do you dream of doing in future?
Writer, businessman

10. List out three good points of the person who tagged you?
Hmmmm fun to talk to, good personality and erm good at dota. lol.

11. What makes you happy?
Even the small things.

12. What type of people you hates the most?
Alot of types.

13. What's the best things in life you've ever make?
Not too sure. Quite a few i guess.

14. If you could have a superpower , what would it be?
To read people's minds

15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
My dreams, my goals, and the best buds in my life..

16. If it's the end of the world ,what will it be your last wish?
That I can spend my last moments with her.

17. If you have a chance to choose , would you want to go back in time?
Yes.

18. If there a chance to die once and be alive , will you try?
Yes, to prevent the mistakes that i made..

19. Are you courageous enough to tell the person you like him/her?
I sure hope so.

20. Do you believe forever love exist in this world?
Perhaps..

Instruction : Remove one qn above, and add in your personal questions. Make it a total of 20 qns & tag 8 people in your list .
Please do the quiz above as you are the lucky ones i choosen :]
The lucky 8 ones :
make it back soon..

2008-06-08T18:39:00.002+08:00

Stress, very stress.

And pissed, very pissed.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, tomorrow is my THIRD visit to that fucking place. Second time for my medical checkup, the one before that was because of some deferment shit, which was successful but I wasn't accepted by the fucking polytechnic. But that's another story for another day.

Anyway, I have to reach there by 0800 hours (FUCK!!!) and I just got that black hair spray which was like almost 12 bucks (FUCK!!!) So yeah. Fuck them, fuck them all.

Got some stuff to rush out, really no mood.
So yeah, whatever. I really don't feel shit now.

have to wake up at like 5.30am tmr?
get prepared, and spray my hair black.
Man fuck this shit.

Anyway, got an e-mail from Isaac, it's about a job thing for the Singapore Night Races.
Sounds really exciting, in fact I want to work during those 4 days.
Sure would be a new experience.
Let's see. 25th to 28th Sept.
Oh yeah! I forgot, it's AFTER the 16th, which when cut short, means I'm in hell.
NS. What a piece of shit law.

Yeah.

FUCK THIS SHIT.
Fuck this conscription.
Fuck this god forsaken place I'm living in.
Canada would be a nice place, I think
A little more quiet, a little better than Singapore.
Actually, it's a lot better.

Come on, you're still toying with my heart?
I'm just someone to you when there's no one around,
and I become no one when you finally have someone?
That phrase was always stuck in my head (Courtesy of my friend).
I loved you with all my heart last time,
and got hurt pretty bad,
maybe I'm stupid enough to go for another round.
Did you care?
Do you even care now?
I guess I don't know.
It was all last year, but i can still remember them as clear as if it happened yesterday..

I'm so tired of all these. I really am.
Man fuck fuck fuck.

2008-06-05T23:52:00.002+08:00

Write write write.

Writing.
And hunting.
Yeah, Monster Hunter Portable 2nd G kicks some serious ass.

I've been thinking.
Why can't i not like a girl for once?
Most of the time, I can start liking a girl I knew for a short time.
Yeah, welcome to my world.

My theory is as such. I fear loneliness. Which was pretty much my theory for a long time. And I've heard people say, you have friends and family, there's no reason to be lonely. Well they're right, to an extent. But there's no one to share your life, yourself with, and that hurts too.

Enough of it.
Sigh.

And my mum's complaining again.

So yeah,
can you just shut the fuck up?
Yes I know I'm USELESS, I know I'm SELFISH, I know I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THIS HOUSEHOLD. I'm not holding a job, and thus I have no money? Does she think running a business is so easy? Really, like I'll start making money on the 1st day onwards? Fat chance.
Yeah I'm not bringing in any money yet, but it's my choice NOT TO TAKE A FUCKING JOB. I do have other streams of income, and all of them concerns using the computer, but when I do use it YOU CAN'T KEEP YOUR FUCKING MOUTH SHUT. I like to work AT NIGHT. Not in the FUCKING DAY TIME.

Yeah, I'm that pissed off.

And in other words, I can't wait to migrate.
Seriously, Singapore is a fucked up place.
I'm off to Australia or Canada. Some parts of the US seems nice too, but dangerous.
I think if the government saw this, they would no doubt arrest me just for that one line.
Hell I'll say it again. Singapore is a fucked up piece of island.
But that's would they do best, no?
Shutting people up.

Yeah, so where's the freedom of speech?
Where's our god damn rights.

Like this newspaper article I read recently,
apparently the MDA is banning access to 2 pornography sites, yes the whole of Singapore.
Sounds like an appropriate thing to do right?
Protecting the young and innocent from the monsters on the internet.
But they themselves are the monsters.
Where's our fucking rights?
We're not all young and innocent you know.
And like this person said, something about surfing with proxy, to bypass the "wall" that the MDA has imposed upon us. My IT technical skills are fucked.
But I share his sentiments exactly.
They are driving us into a corner.
And when I say this, it's not that I watch pornography, thus I defend this statement.
No, it's on the basis of holding us down, bound by chains. Their chains.

So where's our so-called democracy then?
Only the people who can study, are given the highest priorities.
Even the mid range educated, are unhappy with the system, and trust me I know alot of them.
And people like me. Poly dropouts.
Once you dropout, to get in again, is a feat not even David Copperfield can achieve.
And another way to get in? Through ITE, then to poly.
Waste of time.
Welcome to Singapore, I always say.

Land of the elitists, and aristocracy. And the rest are just cowardly motherfuckers. Not even a protest or a petition.

But enough of this bullshit.

Yeah my mum's still nagging, saying my music sounds weird.
Of course it fucking sounds weird, it's not your convention kind of music anyway.

Drums and Bass.
Psychedelic Trance.
Fusion.
Sickest shit you can find anywhere.

Yeah enough of my ranting.
I'm outta here, before I get killed by my mum's talking, literally.

Yeah, you're ignoring me now..
I do miss those times when you were friendly, and not so cold.
But I think you have someone there for you, and for that I'm happy for you.
I know sometimes I do say weird stuff, but hey, I'm trying here.
But you didn't need me or that yeah?
I'm a fool, I guess.
Trying too hard, screwing everything up.

I wonder....

2008-06-04T22:42:00.002+08:00

Fuck them.
Yeah, I'm pissed. Doesn't take much of a rocket scientist to figure that out.

Got a medical checkup next Monday. 8am, at the cmpb manpower place.
8 fucking. am.
Need to wake up at like 6am?
And waste my life there. Apparently it'll take 4-5 hours.
Although last time I took like 2-3 hours.

As if the 2 years of conscription isn't enough.
Now I have to spend more money on something I'll only use once.
Like the black hair spray. Cause the motherfuckers don't allow dyed hair.
Whoo-pee-do.
Talk about wasting my life.

Anyway, had a meeting this afternoon with my rather small team. Rather fruitful I feel, finally I feel like I'm moving forward. But the stress is still piling up.

After that went to Wei Hong's place to relax a little. KL came too.
Played Freedom for awhile, haven't had a laugh like that for quite a while.
Then he tried to help me transfer Portable over, which was successful. But the saved game cocked up quite a bit.
No matter, it works like a charm now. Quite fun, lots of new content. Pity Capcom didn't release it in North America, the profits lost..

But anyway, thanks Wei Hong! And your friend too. lol.

So yeah, after that had dinner with KL. Yong Tau Foo. Quite nice, and considering it was the only shop open, didn't look like we had much of a choice. Still quite all right though. After we were done, I accompanied him back to the LRT, and began my slow walk home, dozens of thoughts just coming into my mind.

Yes, love has always been cruel to you.
In one way or another, you have never been able to get what you want.
And even if you did, fate snatches it heartlessly away from you.
I don't believe in fate usually, but with things this bad, my mind's pretty vulnerable.
So yeah. I bought those stuff for her. Not sure if I can get the chance to give it to her, just to cheer her up.

I guess she has plenty of other people to do that.
Yes I'm selfish, yes I'm biased.
So fucking what.
I'll admit this much, I'm fucking immature when it comes to love.
But don't test me when it comes to other stuff.
Just because I do fucking stupid things doesn't mean I'm immature as a whole. Don't fucking judge me unless you really know me.

Thus, I should end here.
Quite a few more articles to rush, and the novel in my head is beginning to solidify.
I just hope the motivation and enthusiasm doesn't run out.
I'll need a ton of patience, and time management. Yes time management.
It's either DOTA or fighting along side your kitty.
It's your choice Jeremiah.

Heck, if I had a gf I'll just drop both significantly.
After all, if i had a gf, she would always be my top priority.
Why am I even getting started on this.
Fuck this shit.

Im out.

2008-06-03T01:19:00.002+08:00

I woke up at 11. W.T.F.

Dragged my sorry ass out of bed, had a stomach ache, and went to Jurong East this afternoon to submit my pay check and some GIRO form with Isaac. After which we took 334 from the interchange to go to this place near Isaac's house, to...... Cut hair! ^_^

*side note*
334 sure brings back memories, when I was back in Hong Kah. The bus of choice to get to Jurong East from the old school grounds. Sometimes I wished I was back in time, just reliving those old days, with barely any stress, any complains, when life was that much easier. But oh well.

So we went to this place called "Evolution Hub", which is pretty good actually. I'm quite happy with the results ^_^ Then Isaac and I went to eat char siew rice nearby, and he walked me to Lakeside. Thanks bro!

Went back, took a breather, and started on my articles. Not long after, I went to meet John for dinner. So we went to the food court at Lot 1, and he bought first, he had rice with sweet and sour pork chops with an egg in a mini wok. Looked pretty good. I bought the same thing after that. He was like ....
hahaha.

Then he accompanied me to Mini Toons to get something, which I won't mention here. But I do have a good idea of who I want to give it to. and how also. My creativity's ticking again. lol.

I shall not mention too much here. The walls have ears, but hell, this is a blog. What ears =.=''

So yeah, I'll mention when it happens. Which I hope will be soon (:

For my articles, well I didn't get 5 done, but I got the whole lot of em summarized. Which makes my job helluva lot easier.

I probably won't go out tmr, and get the bulk of my work done at the same time.
Stay away DOTA!

Motivate me, and I can give you a miracle, where none can be found.

2008-06-02T00:01:00.002+08:00

Will be short post. I still have work on my hands.

Overslept, so didn't go to church.
Doing my articles rather half heartedly when my mum came back and cooked curry chicken. It was quite good ^_^ But I prefer her assam curry any day.
So yeah, chatted on msn for awhile. Then went to work.

Here's the stupid thing.
It's a tear down of that particular road show.
Why is there a need to wear full black attire?
And since I didn't have black jeans and I couldn't find my old black shoes.
Well.
I went in a formal shirt, formal pants and formal shoes.

And thus began, the "shit work"

For the most part, Isaac Kendric and I were just talking. I almost fell asleep. Then we had to pack the stock back into cartons and count them, like normal stock taking. For the most part it was still all right. Then some China workers came and disassembled the "push carts". Well when we were almost finished with the stocks, lo and behold. The China men had disappeared mysteriously.

Now, this would have been a HAPPY thing, if not for the fact that there were still push carts to be taken of. So the next best thing? Us! Yes. The 3 of us, and the rest of the staff (temp and perm) had to take up the job of doing THEIR job for THEM. I was cursing over half the time there. Just ask Isaac.

So we finished up with half of the remaining push carts, and *poof*! They came back! If I wasn't working I'll just run up to them and give them a piece of my fist.

So yeah, it was pretty tiring and my mood became pretty bad.

After work, kendric went MIA ):
So we went to Mac, and Isaac was fretting,
about the 8 week fries. LOL!

If you didn't know, after 8 weeks, Macdonalds fries, don't even come CLOSE to decomposition. It's scary. lol.
But I believe the standard in Singapore and US is different, and thus I shall have some faith in our system as well.

Nonetheless. I've to work on my articles now, and once I'm done with them, I've alot more admin stuff to settle.

Hmmmm going to cut hair tmr! And maybe get that damn cute dog, and give it to someone I love. There's no one tho, so I'll guess I'll keep it for a while =]

nitez. 3 more till i knock in. Adios amigos.

JOHN CHAN HIN HUI. YOU MOTHERFUCKING CHEEBYE. GO FOR CLICK 5 CONCERT BO INVITE. KNN. FUCK YOU MAN.

*ahem*
hahahahhaahahaa.

2008-05-31T00:42:00.004+08:00

Yes. I'm not drunk, and I'm not dead. Which is actually pretty sad.

Anyway, met John for dinner at Lot 1, had KFC, and helped him to defeat Angeal in Crisis Core (Which was a superb game). We walked around for abit, then I saw this toy dog in mini toons, uber cute! Wanted to buy for her <3

Then some shit happened, which I don't wanna talk about..

Then I think I grabbed the last bus home. Fuck.

Anyway. Everyone's telling me to give up. On her.
Maybe I should. If I can tell my heart to stop thinking so much.
So should I give up? Or continue?
Confusion, Frustration, Denial. FUCK OFF.

I have tons of work to do. Fucking tons.
GIVE ME MY FUCKING SPACE BACK.
Hmm I just screamed at myself.
I must be going crazy.

Yet this infatuation, keeps tugging at my throat, over and over again.
When will it ever stop?
As much as I try to not think of it, it comes back.
To the point that I might be. Dependant. On it.
Which is dangerous of course.

Nonetheless.
Here's my agenda, sort of to remind me of what to do as well.
Hmmmm

Here goes: (I won't list any agency or company names here, for privacy)

1) Draft out my 2 contracts
2) Draft out and edit entire sales kit (which is damn thick)
3) Co-ordinate training for my team members and leaders
-> After which, prepare and draft a training kit
4) Plan an internal meeting with partners + leaders and follow up when needed
-> Conclude and organise a meeting with point of contact in main agency
-> Present masterplans and short term plans to director of main agency
5) (If applicable) Launch project with FC under my agency.
-> Plan first drive
-> If successful, follow up further
-> Get team in place
6) Work on client's current articles
7) (If applicable) New client, more articles. Many many more.

Most of these, all need paperwork as backing. And it's really not as easy as it sounds or seems. It's gonna take a hell lot of effort and energy, something which I don't know if I can handle.
Yes, alot of paperwork. Again.
I'm tired.
I really am.
I'm FUCKING TIRED.

And to top it off,
got my enlistment date.
16/9/08.
Man this is FUBAR.
And whoever doesn't know what's that.
Simply, Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition.

Getting a fever and a headache now.
I feel like vomiting.
And if I just fell on the floor now, consider me dead.

Fuck. Fuck Fuck Fuck.
Everything's making me sick, so sick.
Come on God, is this really a test?
Can you cut me some slack?

Fuck everything, I'm sick and tired of everything.
EVERYTHING.

2008-05-30T14:02:00.002+08:00

Isaac's at my place now.

The cheebye kia (:
Looking at JIE YUN's blog, like some fanatic pedophile. =x
I think he's pissed!
Lol I don't care xD

Gonna play dota, and maybe watch some movies,
then gonna drink with some old friends later on.
I hope I die drinking.
I miss her too much, ok I'm crazy.
And people ask, you knew her for such a short time, how can you like her?

That being said, I am insane!
hahaha
I fall in love too easily, and I let go too hard.
Anyway, 10 reasons why I like her =p
Yes, a list!
Ok that was random.

I won't mention her name, although those who were with me definitely knows her as well.

So, without further ado.

*drumroll*

The 10 reasons!

1) She's friggin adorable
2) For some reason, she made me feel quite touched emotionally.
3) She has that spunk! Which I quite like xD
4) Sometimes, the way she talks and her voice, just makes me feel.. Relaxed? Yup.
5) The way she cares for her friends as well..
6) The way she laughs
7) The way she teases, and how she reacts when I tease her
8) Uber cute!
9) Unusually strong feelings. (Yes I know, fucking lame. But to hell with it!)
10) She's her! xD

Ok, that's bout it.
Isaac's still at my place, the bloody wanker.
He mast like nobody's business..

Mast while I was writing this blog.
Mast while I was playing dota.
Mast while I was watching Youtube.
LOL.

Okok I'm Joking.
No hard feelings d^_^b
hahaha just kidding around.

Yes I still do miss her, for some reason. Just talking to her or see-ing her smile again would be really nice, Heaven in fact. I would give up alot of stuff just to be in that moment again....

I think too much.
Must focus on my ventures! Meetings! Kits! They're calling out to me, their desperate pleas, and of course my freelance work, all being neglected.

Might not be another post, cause I wanna die drinking (:

Arrivederci d^_^b
Not ciao!
Like what Isaac thought.

hahaha
byebye!

2008-05-30T00:05:00.002+08:00

I think I slept at about 1 am last night. Woke up at about 11+, was quite shocked. I don't usually wake up at 11+. I must've been damn shag. Shit.

Left the house at about 2, for an appointment with Eve, Business Opportunity (:
Was quite good, putting a lot of thought of it in implementing it into my Business Solutions agency. I think it'll be a good idea..

After that, went for a meeting with Adam at the head office, discussed some training stuff for me. I won't fail you man. That's my commitment to you, to ALH, and I shall not break it. Yeah.

Then went to Novena to meet my mum for dinner, at Bali Thai, the food's pretty good, but the price wasn't. S$50.40 for 2 persons. #@&%!@#

Then went to..
Fuck I don't wanna talk about that.
Seriously. Sigh.

She's on my mind like over half the time, how the fuck can I get any work done.
I'm still waiting for her call. Just 1 call will do. Just 1.
Been waiting for like. 2 hours? Around there. She said she'll call when she reached home. Then again, I'm pretty naive sometimes too, when it comes to this.

Just what the hell is going on.
Why...
----------------------------------------------
I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everything's nothing without you
I'll wait here forever just to, to see you smile
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you

Through it all, I made my mistakes
I stumble and fall, but I mean these words

I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'as I bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go

Thoughts read unspoken, forever in doubt
Pieces of memories fall to the ground
I know what I didn't have so, I won't let this go
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you

All the streets where I walked alone, with nowhere to go
I've come to an end

I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'as I bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go

In front of your eyes, it falls from the skies
When you don't know what you're looking to find
In front of your eyes, it falls from the skies
When you just never know what you will find (what you will find)

I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everything's nothing without you

I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'as I bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go (I want you to know)
With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'as I bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go
----------------------------------------------
Sum 41 - With me. The song on my blog.
Damn nice, although wasn't really expecting such a song from them. Oh well.
Then there's

Grim Goodbye - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Noots - Sum 41
4 am Forever - Lost Prophets
No Roads Left - Linkin Park
Invincible - Static X

Songs to help me emo along for awhile.
Fuck, I should stop being so emo.

Please, show me something, maybe you would care just a little? ):

Yes, I'm insane.
I'm crazy.
I'm pathetic.
What more can I say?

For crying out loud.

And can my mum SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Noisy as hell.
Sigh

2008-05-28T22:53:00.005+08:00

New post!

Ok maybe my last 2 posts were comprised of mainly raw emotions plus confusion and frustration. So...

Here's a new post!

Just got back from Sandy's class chalet, organized by Jonathan Nephew xD AND SANDY MEI (Who is the best mei in the whole world! No other mei is as good as threatening :x i mean treating her kor the best!) d^_^b
Really honored they invited me, considering I'm not in their class. lol

Anyway, knew some really great people there. Dan, Wei Kiat and Kevin. Most of the time Dan and Kevin were addicted to watching movies on my laptop, while Wei Kiat kept playing COD4. =.=''

It really was an enjoyable chalet, I do miss it. ):
Apart from a few quarrels and random taiji caused by some motherfuckers, it was quite fun. Mon played blackjack with Sandy. Lost 3 bucks. But not as bad as Dan, he lost 9 bucks to her xDDD

So yeah, watched Borat, Shawn of the Dead, and some Madtv shit. Funny as hell.

Anyway, long story cut short, almost got wasted on tue =/
That's bout how far as I'll go to say it :p

Anyway, JiangLei and Sandy mei, no matter what happens, you guys will last long de! And and pai seh if I'm an idiot when I'm drunk. If going drinking in the future, better be prepared for it. xD

Jonathan, great hanging with you man. Thanks for just accompanying me to walk when I was quite down.

Dan, Wei Kiat and Kevin. All addicted to my laptop lol!

Jie Yun, take care ok? 1st day see you so du lan, 2nd day see you so sad. >.< you owe me plasters oso! Thanks to you, my chest there got blue black =.='' lol. xD

Was quite a good past few days actually. I miss it already. lol.

Im out. Good nite all.
Will update more soon. xD

2008-05-23T23:36:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday to meeee~
Happy Birthday to meeee~
Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

Well yeah, self explanatory.

My 19th birthday, 19 years in this old.
And yeah I can say for yesterday and today, I've really learned a lot.
A LOT.
Getting my shit and priorities together
Finding my fire for my work, my motivation to do what I do.
That's how I really want it.

I have alot of things on checklist.
Better get started.
-New sales kit
-Contracts
-Meetings meetings and meetings
-Prospecting for new people under my ever growing team

and the list goes on..

And girl.. I'm sorry things turned out this way.
I never wanted it to happen.
What I can say is that, I cannot commit to this now.
I've always believed in a relationship both sides should be at least giving their all.
And I can't.
It's unfair to you, and I don't want you to be hurt.
I don't want you to be dragged into this.
I just hope we can remain friends....
That's all. I hope you understand. Please.

So yeah, end of my post.
Chill miah, chill.

2008-05-23T00:59:00.002+08:00

Breaking down, I'm nothing but a monster.
I'm nothing but a beast, inhumane and cold.
I don't deserve to be loved, and even less so to love others.
I have for many years advocated against breaking a girl's heart, and now, my very own feelings, my very own thoughts, betray me, Like Judas and that fateful kiss. (For those who read the Bible).

I don't know what to say or what to do.

What the fuck is wrong with me?
Can anyone give me the answer?
Please?

Maybe we took it too fast girl.
I'm sorry for what happened, I didn't want for it to happen that way.
I'm tired. I feel so drained, so empty, so void.
I have a headache.
I have a shitload of excuses.

Yeah Jeremiah, face that fucking fact.
When the fuck are you going to realize that you're full of bullshit?
Almost every single damn thing that comes out of your mouth are excuses.
Wake up your fucking idea, you asshole.
Take some fucking responsibilities, for Christ's sake.
It's all the same, I've seen it.
In business, with friends, even your own bros.
Not one of them spared from your horrendous excuses and lies.
And now you're starting to add love into that sick mix.
WAKE UP YOU FUCKING BITCH.
YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A FUCKING USELESS PIECE OF CRAP.
ALL TALK, NO FUCKING ACTION.
I'll REPEAT THAT, NO. FUCKING. ACTION.
USE THAT FUCKING BRAIN OF YOURS, THINK HOW OTHERS MIGHT FEEL.
THINK OF THE CONSEQUENCES.
STOP LYING FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR VERY CONVENIENCE.
YOU'RE A SELFISH BASTARD, YOU KNOW THAT?

It's not too late to take responsibilities now.
Your business should be priority, do whatever it takes to set it up.
And your love life, take it slower, she's still young, and so are you.
Don't wait till it's too late, too deep in.

Going to bed.

2008-05-22T01:39:00.003+08:00

This will be a very vulgar post. If you are below 18, please step away from the vehicle.

So yeah, let's begin.

Whoever disses my bros disses me, and I'm still holding true to that fact.

Those who know Steven obviously knows the hell he's been through, and the motherfuckers who time and time again stepped over his toes has gone too far. Those pieces of shit should just fuck off and die.
Seriously, if you treat Steven like he's some kind of toy, why not just get yourselves a dildo and fuck your own assholes like the motherfucking faggots you are. Steven has been kind enough umpteen times to not say shit or do anything drastic about this. I've been hearing it too, and he has been really tolerant to the fucking extent that he hasn't been doing any fucking thing to you motherfuckers who fucking dissed him over and over again.

Steven is someone whom you don't want to fucking mess with. And so am I. Nothing would please me more than to land a punch in your fucking balls and fuck you off to oblivion. Oh wait, you have no balls! Yeah I'm talking to both of you pathetic pieces of shit. I would love to mention names, but maybe I just feel slightly kinder now.

Oh! Maybe not.

FUCK YOU JOSEPH YOU PIECE OF SHIT. GET SOME BALLS BEFORE YOU TALK TO US.

and

FUCK YOU HE JIA YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE, YOU DISGRACE THE REST OF YOUR KIND HERE. GO TO HELL.

Disclaimer: He Jia is actually from China, so yeah, he makes his people look bad. I've got nothing against China people really. I know a few China guys, they're good people. But He Jia, tsk tsk. What a disgrace.

In a nutshell, both of you are insolent, incompetent, incorrigible, pathetic, motherfucking pussies who are fucking sad excuses to be called guys. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

And you might be saying, "oi! you cb la! kpkb! u think you so good meh?"

-Yes, I'm better than you. At least I have principles, integrity, don't make fucking prank calls and don't hack into other people's blogs uninvited.

And then you might say, "you then no balls! got guts come out and fight la, kp!"

-Gladly. But I won't be alone, both of you pissed so many people off that you have an army waiting, just waiting, for that simple invitation from you. To rush you and tear your throat out. But hey, I'm a good citizen (: So I might just call the cops and watch your sorry ass get thrown into jail.

And of course, the classic question! "you fucking bo liao. Not your business still so kpo for fuck"

-You are the ones who started it, and dragged it. And it's my fucking god damn business. If it concerns Steven, it concerns me too. Get that in your fucking thick empty skulls.

------------------------------------------------

Uh ok, are there any questions?

Audience (A): Why are you making a fuss of this? I mean, with one of the above mentioned motherfuckers there is already talk of peace between the main parties.

Me: Simply, I can't just forget such things. Steven might be able to forget bout it, but not me. If you did something stupid and realize and repent, I'll gladly forgive and forget. But if you do some stupid shit and is unrepentant and you feel like you're right, that's one thing I cannot forget.

(A): Do you really believe in the ties of brotherhood?

Me: .... Yes I do. Steven and Isaac are just a coupla of my sworn brothers. We been through lots of shit together, and my loyalty to them is unquestionable. If some fuckers find trouble with them, they find trouble with me as well. That was a stupid question, now go and die.

Are there any more questions?

(A): uh yes. I would like to ask why....

Me: Not taking any more questions. Goodbye.

------------------------------------------------

So that pretty sums up most of my venting. (:
I feel happier now.
Yes...
I hope the 2 fuckers see this.
Steven's waiting now as we speak.
Isaac should see this too.

If you wanna retaliate, I'll be waiting.

2008-05-20T22:05:00.002+08:00

Today very tiring. =x

Went out to meet my gf <3, her fren, Belle, Mei Chuan, and erm Davin (I think).
So yeah, met Qi Yin <3 and her friend (whose name I do not know) =x at Woodlands, then took 963 all the way to Vivo, where we were late! =D

Walk walk walk. Then they were deciding whether to watch a movie or not, but apparently they were stalemated =/
Then had to go off ):

Took the train to Dhoby Ghaut, met up with Steven, Isaac, Chris and YJ. Went to S'pore Flyer! And tried Popeyes for the first time.

Much better than KFC! For one, the chicken is juicier, the fries are quite good, and the whipped potato is "teh awesome!" Damn good. I would write a full review about it, but since I'm not getting paid, forget it. LOL. Im serious!

Then took bus back, Isaac and I playing Monster Hunter on the way back while Yao Jie was sleeping. Reached home at bout 10, and the cold war between my mum and I started (: it isn't the first, and it certainly won't be the last.

So back home, tired and missing her.
She's gettin her results back tmr.
Good luck baby!
=D

so yeah. Nitez.

2008-05-20T00:57:00.002+08:00

Today. Very fun day! LOL.

Went to office in the morning to collect my name cards, waited for 985 like. damn long. got quite pissed off. lol

Then.. Went to the office, cocked up a little. But no worries, everything's gonna be A-OK!

Then took MRT back to Bukit Batok, where Steven and Isaac were like. 20 mins late! =x

But nvm, went to Burger King for lunch, before work started. What's the work like? At Watsons, where there's some road show going on. And no, we're not sales promoters. We're the Sai Kang gang! (Sai kang meaning.. erm. Shit workers) =x

Went there, re-arrange products, and did some logistical stuff. But well, it was quite slack too, so no matter too (: Still quite ok, if I do say myself.

For lunch, we went to the food court. Where Steven took a candid shot of me while I was eating. Bo liao =.=

Yes, it's sideways =.=
Thanks Steven! Owe ya big time! >.>

Then Isaac and I bought drinks, saw this sign. LOL

Yes, that's our standard of Singapore :p

Then went to the toilet, spent like 5min gettin this picture

Yes, we are all zi lian~ LOL.

After that eventful period, we went to the arcade, where Steven and Isaac chanced upon this very "interesting" game.

It's called "Armadillo racing". Weird.

Then work work work until 10.
delay delay delay until 10.30 =.=

Reached home at 11, took a 5 min bath. =x
Then watched LOST! Damn good show =D
hehehe

then tmr finally going out with baby! <3
xD
Then goin to meet Steven, Isaac and the rest of the guys, for Popeyes.
Haven't had the chance to try it yet, reckon it'll be nice though.

For my first wish list for my bdae, I want.. MONSTER HUNTER PORTABLE 2nd G!
Yes! The jap version :p

Eng patch coming soon!
Bdae in 4 days! Hint hint. :p

Nitez all!

2008-05-17T23:19:00.002+08:00

What can I say?
Things are picking up.
Clearing my mind, playing less games.
Getting the grip I've been looking for, for a long long time.
Now I need more focus.
Most definitely.

Just need to get this out of my life.
PROCRASTINATION.
It's a disease, I tell you.
Deadly, and relentlessly annoying.
It's like the cold sores, comes back again and again and again.
But I'm probably being out of context here.

Ok im tired.
Off to bed.

I love u girl,
we'll meet soon yeah? <3

2008-05-15T19:17:00.003+08:00

Not feeling too well today.
Fever + a reasonably good amount of headache thrown in.

Other than that, some food for thought.

I need my drive my motivation my desire to succeed.
Yes I need that. Like, a lot.
I have a team of dedicated, hardworking members, and in no way will I succumb to these temptations of giving up, of just slacking away. After all, I did promised them results, and results it's gonna be.

There is no other way.
None.

In other words, I want Monster Hunter Portable 2nd G.
Saw the trailer. Damn cute >.< those little things are kitties! LOL. Little weird, but cute as hell.

So yeah, now it's Japanese Exclusive (Damn you japs! Damn you Capcom!) =x
But yeah hopfully there'll be a US version for it.
Yeah you heard me, US. We in Singapore, play the US version, not some Asian or Singapore version. >.>

Ah yes, it's gonna be a very very busy time these few weeks and months.
Hopefully things will be smooth. (:

~
I miss you babe.
I really do.
When can I see you?

2008-05-14T18:25:00.002+08:00

I'm tired. I really am.

So many things are flooding my mind at once, i don't know where to begin.

I just want to close my eyes and rest my head.
If I didn't wake up? Not like it would really matter.

Focus is indeed waning, drifting slowly.

Maybe I just need some sleep. Yeah that works too.
Crunch time, tomorrow.
I need to fucking focus. Get my ideas straight.
I should sleep now.

I miss you girl.

2008-05-14T03:15:00.002+08:00

Wow, this blog has been dead for so damn long. At least 4 months+?

How time flies.

Life is supposed to be good for me.
I have a great business venture going on, I have a team of hardworking and growing number of people, and I have competent partners whom I can rely on. In the next few months, I'll have my agency under my belt (:

Im attached to a beautiful girl, I love her. <3
loads. (:

I get by financially, sometimes. Ok maybe not.
Actually, Im VERY short of money.

My "career" as a freelance writer, is certainly up and coming. A better word would be Ghostwriter. And no, that doesn't mean I'm writing ghost stories. It means.. well. Go find the meaning yourself.

So things are supposed to look good for me, albeit me going to NS in about 4 months (?) time. Not confirmed. Just what the hell are they doing. Next Tekong intake is in July. If they send me a last minute letter asking me to drag my sorry ass to that island, I'm gonna be damn fuckin pissed.

So yeah, cursing again, like my previous posts. Some things don't change do they?

Ok back to the topic, im supposedly happy.

Then, why the fuck am I so tired?
Why the fuck do I feel so emotionally drained?
Why the hell do I feel like just dropping everything and running away?
A part of me wants to run, a part of me wants to persevere.
Too many people believe in me. I can't run.
But yet, I feel so pushed, so stress. I don't know. I really don't.

Someone once asked me to try calling out to God, if shit happened.

Well, here goes.

God, please help me T.T
At the very least, please show me you care.
Maybe you have, but perhaps I've been too ignorant to notice it.
In that case, please forgive me for that.
Thanks for sending my girl to me, she's really a miracle.
Thanks at least for getting my deferment done, perhaps you want me to do what I'm doing now huh?
Thanks for the people in my life.
Thanks for QinYi, Belle, Issac, Steven, Church guys (KH, WX, John), my guys under my team (you know who you are), the guys at ALH (yeah you know who you are too) and numerous other people whom I've yet to thank.
And thanks for letting me know, one step at a time. Sure works wonders when I'm feeling f-ed.

So yeah, Thanks big guy.
I think I owe you quite a few.
I do feel slightly better now, maybe it does work after all (:
Hope he heard me.

Yeah, my 1st post, after a long long time.

Late now, probably say more tmr. Nitez all.

2008-01-25T23:16:00.001+08:00

I don't know what to say.

After hearing her voice again, it brought back rather little but precious memories
I can't stop thinking about her now
I really miss her
Her voice, her smile, her laugh
I just miss her, so badly
Maybe she ain't the prettiest girl, but it's just her I love
I thought I gotten over it, but after hearing your voice again
I guess I was wrong.
She's got another now, I don't wish to interfere
But I so fucking miss her, till it's tearing me apart
Girls like her are rare, and maybe it's my fault

Even if I could spend just one more day with her.
Just one more.
I would be happier than the happiest guy on earth.
But, that isn't possible. Anymore.

Sigh.
Business-wise, things are beginning to pick up.
So that's a plus point.
Then there's her.. ):

Regardless, I will carry on..

2008-01-24T23:55:00.000+08:00

Argh.

So fucked so fucked.
I didn't get accepted for the job.
DAMN IT!
FUCK!
Now I have to find a job with LONGER hours, LESSER pay and have to pay FUCKING CPF.
God damn it!
I mean. How often does a job like the one i missed come by?
fuck it.
And it's not like I'm earning a lot now to begin with.
Noob freelance writer = less/no pay.
Fuck.

30th Jan, there's a seminar on investments and trading and stuff.
Real interesting, and proven as well.
Wouldn't hurt to go take a look see yeah?
then when I'm 21 I can start trading, or whatever you call it
I'm still a noobie xD
Hopefully it'll be fruitful
and i can achieve my dream of being a millionare before 25 =D
hell, by 22.
and to those that tell me i can't,
FUCK OFF.
you heard me.
FUCK THE HELL OFF.

I don't need your "concern".
Damn.

Off to bed.
Long day tmr.
Ciaoz.

2008-01-22T18:39:00.000+08:00

Nothing much is happening.

Im bored of out my mind.
Still waiting for the job application. Sigh.
I need the money. lol.
This is a great job. Flexible hours, great pay.
"Great" is really great pay.
Alrite I don't know what I just said.

Now that I know there's such a job, I'm damn unwilling to find another job with longer hours and lesser pay, which is almost every single one out there.

hmmmm my blog is still very much un-done.
Links. Sides are backdated.
One of my better skills. Procrastinating =D

The meaning of life is wearing thin, as I search for my one..
Everyone says, let nature takes it course.
But I can't do that. I can't.
And others say, why search at all? It's not worth it.
Well, y'all don't know my life. You don't know loneliness.
Sure there's frenz, close frenz, bros and sis, but there'll always be something lacking.
In me, hollow-ness.
Gah.
Why do I even bother.

2008-01-19T23:42:00.000+08:00

Never blogged for a bloody long time.
So here I am.

Went for a job interview today.
Thanks to SHA the man! =DD
hours are good. Pay is good. Can learn quite a bit of stuff. Which of course, is good!
After that supposed to meet friend, then friend pang seh.
Thanks friend. =)
hahaha

My life is supposed to be happy.
I've got a somewhat open path to RP.
I've got loads of bros and close frenz.
I've made peace with alot of people I dissed =)
Cept those that dissed me 1st, fuck y'all.
I could be getting a really good part time job.
Im not broke.
Im supposed to be happy.
My life is supposed to be great.
Then why do I feel like something's missing?

Maybe 2 words. Female companionship. haha
not male. male companionship for a guy sounds damn wrong. hahaha

And before you think of despo, despot, hongster, playboy, fucker.
Trust me, I'm really none of those.
I just miss the feeling of loving someone and being loved back.
The kind of stuff neither family nor friends can fulfill.
needless to say, most of my past efforts have gone in vain.
That's life I guess. Fucked up life.
so much for love. Bullshit. Love is just bullshit. Real love my ass.

Thinking of taking up DJ-ing, fucking ex tho.
Stick to drumming for now =D

off to bed.
nitez all.

2007-11-12T22:06:00.000+08:00

Yeah!
Linkin Park concert! TMR!!
But I gotta be there like around 6.30pm
When it'll start at around 8.30pm (even though tics say like 8pm)
But it's fucking singapore! Things always start late =p
Why I gotta be there so early?

1. Beat the crowd. C'mon it's a LINKIN PARK concert. Not some lame shit mandarin concert bla bla bla. No offense to those fans of mando pop and stuff. I just don't like mandarin songs.

2. I have priority entry! Yeah I missed the Meet & Greet (FUCK!!) but hey, I can still see Linkin Park up front and up close! WHOO!!~

And my mum's nagging at me again =.=
Asking me to take up a job after the concert
Im like wtf.
A job? For?
Im havin a pretty good time writing and doing business.
the fuck I would want to take a god damn job for.
no way am i gonna work hahahahhahaa
I may sound rather lazy.
But hell, I do have money coming in from these sources.
And I won't work unless it's related to my work or what I like doing
(Business and writing)
And I hafta juggle my businesses, meetings with my biz partners, writing, writing assignments, frenz and of cos my dear girl =D
and and and gaming! =D
If I work,
my schedule would be screwed to hell. No shit haha

Oh well, my mum can't do shit if I don't work
So forget it! =DD

Hmmm off to play some dota now =D
Or maybe I should write some more =D
but suffering writer's block these days zzz
nvm time for some inspiration!!!!!

2007-11-11T03:03:00.000+08:00

ok never blog for a loooong time.
i'll make it short.

erm.

1) I miss her
2) I miss her
3) I miss her

LMAO!
So what's been goin on in my life lately?
Normal. Chest pains. and mum says my eyes look swollen.
From lack of sleep lmao
I don't give a fuck =D
Been feeling really really sick lately.
I wonder if I'll survive
Anyway.
She's comin back tmr! =D
Linkin Park's concert is on tue! 2 days away!
And i didn't get the meet and greet! fuck! D:
o well.
mother nagging at me to sleep
i dont fucking feel like sleeping hahahahahhahaa
but ah fuck.

Got alot of stuff planned ahead.
Even without Sunshine, I can be more successful! =D
that I will.
Nitez y'all peace!

2007-10-31T21:59:00.000+08:00

fucked up day.
I'm so goddamn suay ):

Was supposed to go to SW's chalet again tonight
But I had my own series of misfortunate events
firstly, I was waiting for my PSP to finish charging, so i left my house late. About 2 hours late -.-''
So I went to buy an Ethernet cable so SW and I can play overnight dota.
I went to this PC shop at Lot 1, and asked the guy for a LAN cable.
He misunderstood and pointed me to a $35 one =.='''

I asked a 2nd opinion and this time a girl, pointed me to a $5 one.
Difference? $30. OMFG.

Anyway, I wanted to pay by NETS, see-ing that I had NO CASH on me.
"I'm sorry, we only accept NETS for purchases of $10 and above"
Splendid. Simply splendid -.-
I went to the basement to draw money, and and one of the machines was out of order -.-''
and since there were ONLY 2 machines,
the other machine's queue was longer than Macdonald's Hello Kitty queue =.=''

Right. So I went to the MRT, where there were 2 more ATM machines.
Guess what? 2 Fulllllllllll queues.
Christ.
For crying out loud.

Sucked it up, queued for eternity -.-
Went back up, the 1st guy I asked seemed to be smirking.
I was like: "wtf"?
Paid up, left.

NEVER MIND.
Continue (:

I went on the MRT and to vent my anger a little, blasted my music
By blast, I really mean BLAST.
iPod + Creative earphones + max volume = me being half deaf now =.=''
So I saw this 2 malay guys and 1 indian guy and girl.
I was innocently playing my PSP when I noticed..
They surrounded me O.O
Like all want to fight me.
I was like: "WHAT THE HELL NOW?"

So they laughed and talked in indian and malay.
2 languages I'm not familiar with AT ALL.
2 of em' were peeking into my PSP,
and talking and laughing =.=''
I mean.. WTF.
So they left pretty soon (Thanks God)
and one of them started jabbering in something.
something.
Which I do not know what -.-''
As the Indian dude was leaving, he said, take care brother.
I.was.stunned.
o.o
o.o
o.o

I knew him for less than 5min and he called me brother -.-'''
So that was over. -Phew-

So I was reaching Aljunied when I received this message from my mum.
"I left my house keys in the office and I'm near home"
Which equates to, please come back and then go back again -.-'''
I live in Choa Chu Kang.
To get to the chalet, I need to take a train to Tampines, then switch to bus 29
Whole journey? Longest 1hr 45min.
So I was fucking pissed off.
And tired. Yes tired.
Try carrying a 2kg+ lappie around Lot 1, around a bunch of idiots and lugging it all the way in the MRT.
Whee
I had such a fun time =.='''
And so decided NOT to go.
So I won't turn crazy.

So now I'm home.
Tired as hell
and bored as a erm. well just bored
but got MeiShi to talk to =D
LOL.
She should be reading this. :p

update more next time.
ltrs y'all

2007-10-23T00:19:00.000+08:00

Fine. I give up. This was worse than I thought.

This is a damn beautiful song.
Creed - With arms wide open.

I've got the special edition string version. damn nice.

Well I just heard, the news today
It seems my life, is gonna change
I close my eyes, begin to pray
Then tears of joy, stream down my face

With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open

Well I don't know, if I'm ready
To be the man, I have to be
I'll take a breath, I'll take her by my side
We stand in awe, we've created life

With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
I'll show you love
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open
I'll show you every thing oh yeah
With arms wide open
Wide open

If I had just one wish
Only one demand
I hope he's not like me
I hope he understands
That he can take this life
And hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world
With arms wide open
With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
I'll show you love
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open
I'll show you everything, oh yeah
With arms wide open
Wide open

Sigh. So much has happened in such a short time.
Again for the umpteen time, i ask myself,
what am I here for?

Perhaps one day I shall for my greater calling.
Then again, I'm not one who readily believes in such divine intervention.
Oh well. Attempted suicide recently xD

Alot of people take suicide seriously.
But for some reason I don't. Life is as painful and hurtful as it is.
Why not just end it?
Why not.....

haha just wishful thinking perhaps.
I think I just want someone to take care of.
Someone by my side, just cuddling each other to sleep ^^
Right.
Dream on buddy. Dream on..

2007-10-20T17:37:00.001+08:00

Where did I go wrong?

Fine, it's my fault girl. I'm sorry ok?
It's my fault for trying to care for you.
It's my fault for trying to love you.
It's my fault for thinking of you.
It's my fault for buying you stuff.
It's my fucking fault for trying to meet you.
And yes, it's my God damn fault for asking you what's wrong.

Shall stop for now.
Sigh.

2007-10-18T01:36:00.000+08:00

Ok ok I'm lazy. Long time no update >.<
Today, collected my PSP Slim and my 4GB memory card :D
free :D
wahahahhahaa

I'm currently on a break from my company.
I need it.
Felt so emotionally drained and bleeding inside.
The feeling of having my own guys beaten down isn't making me happy either.
Just feel so worn out.

Niwae, the tag from Jean! ^^

List out your top 5 birthday presents you wish for:
1 ; money ^^
2 ; more clothes (:
3 ; my BMW 335i convertible =x
4 ; a new desktop =x
5 ; something from my loved one! =D
1 ; the person who tagged you is;
-JEAN! ^^
2 ; your relationship with him/her is;
mei mei =D
3 ; your five impressions of him/her is;
-sweet (:
-cute :p
-funny xD
-down to earth
-talkative =x heh heh
4 ; the most memorable thing he/she has done for you is;
- called me kor? =x lolz.
5 ; the most memorable words he/she has said to you:
- "believe in yourself, kor" (:
6 ; if he/she becomes your lover,will you?;
- ehh yeah (:
7 ; if he/she's your lover,what he/she has to improve on?;
- erm, nth much actually lol, she would be all i ever want :p
8 ; if he/she becomes your enemy,you will;
- not in a thousand years.
9 ; if he/she becomes your enemy,the reason is;
- not in 10 thousand years xD
10 ; the most desired thing you'd like to do for him/her now is ?;
- buy her sth. ^.^
11 ; your overall impressionf him/r;
- lovable mei ^^
12 ; how do you think people around you will feel about him/her?;
- cute :p
13 ; the character you love about yourself is;
- my ability to make a molehill sound like mt. everest =x
14 ; on the contrary,what character you hate about yourself?;
- hot headed, stubborn
15 ; the most ideal person i would like to be;
- someone more successful than me (:
16 ; for the people who cared and liked you say something to them;
- peace out y'all! xD
17; people whom i want to do this quiz for me:
- JEAN! bwahahaha =x
- JIE TING (:
- STEVEN XD
=x

Now is Darren's Birthday.
So....Happy birthday bro!!
19 this year (:
19 punches =x hahaha

Nobody threatens any of my guys.
No one.
I will get to the bottom of this matter.
I fucking swear.

2007-10-14T01:38:00.001+08:00

Somehow everything feels different.
Not just relationship-wise, not just work-wise.
It just seems that..Everything just feels so dead.
Everything I do has somewhat lost meaning.
I don't know what is it, but still I can't give up. Not now. Not ever.
No one said life was gonna be easy,
and yet no one said life was that hard either.
sigh.

I miss her.
both hers >.<
and i still feel fucked up.
Maybe it's because of the NS letter I received coupla days back.

enlistment date : 13th March (Thur) 9.30am

at fucking tekong.
And i live in Choa Chu Kang.
Fuck yeah I get to wake up fucking early.
Let's have a real good fucking time.

And recently, I've been having sudden outbursts of chest pains/tightness in my chest (duh!) kinda like having muscle cramps near your heart.
It's like some cardiac arrest creeping up behind you.
If it's my time, well..........
Here's a shoutout to my homies and bros:

To my mum: For tolerating my bullshit all these years and thanks a whole lot for taking care of me throughout the years. God Bless your soul mum (:

To my family: I've disappoint alot of you I know. But I know y'all still love me, and to that end, I do too.

To my poly frenz: For tolerating my bullshit and "gay-ness" =x during school. I appreciate your concern when I dropped out, annoying at 1st lol but you guys were just concerned. I love y'all for that. And although school was fucking far, I enjoyed the company of you guys the most (:

JJ: For being a good friend (: will always rmb suan-ing you =x LOL.
Sheng Wei: For being a good bro to confide in. Oink! opps =x
Viktor: For watching my back and your humour. Serious and fun lol
Darren: Dota kaki! (Damn didn't know if I got that right lol)
Erwin: The 1st guy I talked to in TP (: Damn lame. =x hehe nice guy tho xD
Reuben: My go-home buddy! =x Those long train rides. Somehow I miss those times.
Joanne and Sherry: Aunties! =x=x=x rofl. jkjk xD
For the rest no i didn't forget you. just take care xD

To the good people at Sunshine,

Qin Jie: I knew you for like erm, 4 years? Thanks for giving me this opportunity bro. It's something that gratitude itself is unable to describe. I knew your impression of me was that i had a business mindset and that i had the confidence to just do things. But that was the past, and although these surges do come back time and time again, I suppose it's more of the culture shock and just not it being a habit that makes me think of whether I'm ready for this yet. It's not about negativity, it's about whether I'm comfortable. I hope you can understand this if I choose to leave it as it is. And if I do go, next time I come back, you can be sure I'll be stronger.

To the rest of my team: I love u guys. Nth could be better than just hanging around with u guys and just talking and joking with you. I'm sorry for my emotional roller coaster, I need to get a grip. A real grip. Somehow for some things I can never thank you guys enough. Just saying thanks would undermine all that you've tried to help me do.

Sunshine is a very good platform to earn and learn. It's gonna soar in the respective industries. A part of me wants to do it, a part of me is haunted by my very past, and a part of me just feels like going to NS and getting it over and done with before concentrating on Sunshine. My emotions are just jumbled up. Raw. Damn. I could use a few weeks break T.T

In church..

Uncle Charlie: A very nice guy, someone whom you can share your problems with. Very friendly, and always good to talk to.

Kai Heng: My homie! You fall I fall mate. That's the way it goes. I'm sorry for pang seh-ing u guys on sunday >.< damn me! talk bout heavy sleeping lol. I love u man. No not in any gay way. In a bro way xD

Aaron: Always the nice guy lol. No matter what, nice always seems to match your character. Nothing less (:

Justin: Business minded peep (: Jia you!

Jeremy: Dota playing aussie! :p

John: Bro! Good person to confide in. Fun to be with too (: altho little weird at times =x=x jkjk xD

To the girls: Ok I don't really talk to you girls much.. But all the same, thanks (: To Sharene and Denyse for being good frenz (: And Rachel, well it's fun talkin to ya too :p

Irene: Thanks for the memories we had, abeit it being rather short altogether. Gave me something good for awhile (:

Sinyi: Thanks for bringing smiles to my face each and every day. Always brightens me up. (: The way you talk sibei cute lol. :p

I have loads of other people to name, but it'll take forever. Words cannot describe how thankful I am to each and everyone of you. No shit.

before I depart, I wish to have a shoutout for my new mei mei, Jean! :p
Welcome back to S'pore (:
Where's my gift?! =x
ehh ur voice damn cute oso =x

btw, matthew. hot anal sex! =X LOL.

Time to sleep bro, and never wake up.
nahhhh just joking.
give me 2 weeks, to straighten out my thoughts and to build up my body.
Perhaps I may return, perhaps not.
Time will tell...
other than that, I shall end. Enough has been said.

2007-10-13T02:40:00.000+08:00

"You see the girl u love on the streets, holding the hand of another.
You see the girl u love online, embraced in the arms of another.
You see the girl u love in the mall, laughing and smiling with another.
You see the girl u love willing to travel miles for another, but will barely take a single step for you.
And finally, you see the girl u love, on the road, weeping and crying her soul out, for her heart has just been broken, by another.
So, what did you do for your girl today?
No, nothing. Nothing at all. For she has another."

If you should ask me if Im sad, I can't say I am.
Just a deep feeling. Pangs of regret and remorse mixed with a sense of a new vision, new peace, new...hope.
I can't say Im happy either.
Obviously the big guy up there is playing some tricks,
Though I can't say that for sure.
It's so easy to blame something u cannot see,
and just leave it as it is.

2 words. Moral Ambiguity.
Im out. Nitez.

2007-10-11T15:49:00.000+08:00

Damn nice song. Says alot bout my life.

It's been a while
Since I could hold my head up high
and it's been a while
Since I first saw you
It's been a while
since i could stand on my own two feet again
and it's been a while
since i could call you
But everything I can't remember as fucked up as it may seem
the consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means

It's been a while
since i could say that i wasn't addicted and
It's been a while
Since I could say I love myself as well and
It's been a while
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like i always do
It's been a while
But all that shit seems to disappear when i'm with you
But everything I can't remember as fucked up as it may seem
the consequences that I've rendered
I've gone and fucked things up again

Why must i feel this way?
just make this go away
just one more peaceful day

Its been awhile
Since I could lok at myself straight
and it's been awhile
since i said i'm sorry
It's been awhile
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face
It's been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste
But everything I can't remember as fucked up as it may seem
I know it's me i cannot blame this on my father
he did the best he could for me

It's been a while
Since I could hold my head up high
and it's been a while since i said i'm sorry

I fucked up today..
Fucked up real bad.
I need to get back on my feet again.
I need to.
I must.
Somehow it isn't an option anymore.

As for her,
do I love her because I really do?
Or merely because of obligation.
If my so-called "love" can be suayed so easily,
it is love? Or just infatuation taken to a more dangerous level?
If I really do take it to the next stage with her,
there ain't no turning back.
I wonder...

Sigh.

2007-10-11T00:06:00.000+08:00

Wake up mate.
Wake up.
Time to smell the decaying stench of love.
Time to witness the undeniable corruption of your heart.
Time to take all in your stride, and convert it into hate.
Wake the fuck up mate.
What were you thinking?
What was I thinking..

The grass always seem greener on the other side.
When I do cross over, it's not as green after all.
But when I return,
my original grass has decayed.

Such is the irony of life that we must go through.
Though it may be painful, though it may be hard.
We must persevere, and soon our rewards will flow like a waterfall.
But give up along the way,
and there will be a torture awaiting.
Worse than death.
Worse than eternal humiliation.
Perhaps worse than sparring with the devil.
Or with God.

Sigh.
Forget the pain. Forget the sorrows.
Wake up mate, and smell the flowers.
It's just wishful thinking.
She can never like you man.
never.
She likes someone else,
that someone else prolly likes her.
You're one screwed up fucker, you know that?
Forget it bro.
Just forget it.
It's hard mate.
yeah I know it's fuckin hard.
After all, what isn't?
Go on with life. Forget her.
A coupla disappointments don't mean shit bro.
It means she ain't interested in you.
So get her outta ur memory mate. Know what i mean?
I guess.

I gotta stop talking to myself.

What can i say bout my day?
Had a small breakthrough, of sorts.

"I may have lost hundreds of battles,
But I've yet to lose the war.
I may travelled in the darkness for far too long,
But light is visible so still I'll go on.
I may have lost my motivation and enthusiasm,
But I've yet to lose my faith.
I have fallen deep and my body ripped to shreds by the very demons that felled me.
Muscles and bones tear at their very touch.
My screams fill the emptiness of my mind,
as my blood flows greater than the river nile.
But like the ashes of the phoenix I will rise,
a new life reborn, the hatred in the saint.
With my eyes burning with rage and my heart covered with pain,
I will burn all that oppose me,
in my final glorious flight."

Yeah, pretty much edited from the original version.
2.15am. God damn it.
I feel so fucked up.
1 match of dota. then sleep >.<

2007-10-10T00:16:00.000+08:00

Yes! After a long absence from this blog, it's finally reopened! claps claps*
What can I say about my life lately? Very eventful.
Currently in a business opportunity. Must work hard!
But been slacking =x=x=x
Through this, I've found out something,
Those whom you deem closest to you, will be the ones who will disappoint u the most.
Doesn't matter if they're your own family, or relatives, or people u almost see everyday.

That being said,
it's more of the people that you didn't talk to in years or months, those that are willing to listen. The people whom u met in just less than a day. Somehow, ironically they are the ones willing to give u a chance w/o just flaming you.

I won't say too much here.
What I'll just say is that I'm thankful to Qin Jie for sharing with me such a great opportunity to make money and to improve myself in terms of character, habits and gayism =x jkjk. And the rest of my team. Thanking you guys for being by my side when everything seemed so fucked up is priceless.
And for my future team. Together, we can make it. Jia you!

Ok business aside, I just went for Erwin's bdae celebration at erm some bungalow beside old changi hospital.
1st night go there liao =x
it was still alrite. Slightly creepy.
And not that scary considering there were bout 14 of us
=.='''
cept there was some female voice echo-ing from the top floor downwards. (When there was no one up there).
and the stuffy joss stick smell on the middle floors
creeeepy.
lol im writing this at 2am in the fuckin mornin with all lights off cept the light on my laptop o.o
holy shit. >.<

heh heh heh..
Relationship wise, it's been bad and complicating enuff..
I wonder if I should stop now, or go on.
If I should woo her back, or find someone else.
Or just concentrate on my biz and get girls later on =x

Somehow everything seems to be pointing to the latter.
But.. sigh. Move on buddy. She broke you once, you gonna let it happen again?
She's gonna kill u again mate. Heard of deja vu, here's a classic example.
But what if she won't?
Even so, wake up your fuckin ideas u fuckhead.
Nothing will be the same again.

-starts to label-
I shall call the other "person" my other self for now. For lack of a better name. =/

Other Self: mate, you're an eligible bachelor and you're waning for this one bitch?
Jere: o.o
OS: You're a blowjob. You know that?
Jere: STFU.
OS: Oh Im sorry, did I get on the wrong nerve?
Jere: I don't get it. Other people get a great or caring other self. I get some self-centered, egoistic male-bitch.
OS: You do realise, you just called yourself a male-bitch.
Jere: You do realise, you need to shut up.
OS: You wussy.
Jere: You fake! You cheated Jean!
OS: Eh? -innocent look-
Jere: You are the conniving Dr. Love, you bitch!
OS: -whistles-
Jere: Jean! here's the culprit!
OS: She won't believe you!
Jere: And why not?
OS: Cause Dr. Love is more charming, handsome, smarter, more adorble, lovable, more loving, good in bed...
Jere: whoa whoa whoa! Shut up man! She could be reading this!
OS: And why won't she want to read about the GREAT DR. LOVE?
Jere: I did not write this >.<

Right. 3.20am now >.<
Good nitez all! And happy blogging! :p

2007-04-03T01:25:00.000+08:00

Linkin Park's new single is out! Fuck yeah.

Here's the vid, and the song we've all been waiting so much for. (:

Woots. hahaha.

Hmm wat's been goin on in my life?
Let's just say it's been very fucked up.

Alrite 1st things 1st. Thing bout me is that I WILL NOT hold a 9-5 type of job, slogging my ass off for some meager pay for 5 years before gettin a tiny increment. FUCK NO. I believe in the prospects of financial freedom and various forms of marketing that I can feel and make a success with. Everyone's telling me to wake up to reality. To stop make believing in these dreams and to get a life. Which is to get to school, get a diploma, get a degree and then work, start a fam, work work work work. That's fucking typical. That's what I DO NOT want. I refuse to conform to the ways of our society's mentality.

Damn 2am now. Will cont tmr. =p

2007-03-10T11:10:00.000+08:00

One word. Shag.

Fucking tired now. Like 11am in the morn.
Just got back from Amanda(Bunny)'s place. Adriel, dan, bunny n I were playin less-than-matured games and drinkin down bottle after bottle of vodka. =X
And now? I'm fucking shag.

Gonna leave for Roland's wedding soon. (Gratz!)
And got work 2nite as well till 11pm. Dang.
Could use some sleep... ZzZ
Will blog again later. Adios, ciaoz and wish me luck.
Cos I'm gonna need it.

2007-03-05T15:47:00.000+08:00

Tagged by JieTing! XD
Prize!! =p
**Rule of the game:Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own 10 weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks! (:

1. I daydream like..75% most of the time? XD
2. I drink! (Dont be so shocked ^^) Guai kia, but still can drink rite? =p
3. i laugh all the time, whether it's happy or sad stuff. hahahahahaha. see? =p
4. I overuse lol. lol.
5. I have a continuious facade. Just because I look happy ain't mean I'm happy.
6. I got ang moh, malay and chinese accent. =p all-in-one!
7. No music = die!! Everywhere i go = mp3, or at least some form of music i dig =p
8. Wishes 2 have someone 2 love and huuuuuug =p
9. I cook! (No shit!) wahahaha
10. i think about her(^^) allll the time =p

ppl 2 tag!
As one might see, my links aren't even done yet.
However it's "work in progress"!
ok Im just lying. XDXDXD
I'll get it done in the nxt few days XD
Promise!
No, really.
hahaha

Right.
just got back from work.
Workin at this restaurant called Hot Stones at Clarke Quay.
85% of the customers are like american, australian, german or swedish.
Damn feelin quite shag now
maybe just not used 2 it
job-huntin for another job tho.
Then it'll be 9am - 11pm. with 1 hr travelling time
OUCH.
-yawn-
Might go 2 MOS one of these days XD
well gonna sleep now.
another day of work tmr. and dota dota dota XD
Ahh yeah Silent Hill 4 and Resident Evil 4 have almost finished downloading! ^^
Time 2 get scared shitless!
And some vodka to go with that plz xp

nitez!
or shld i say morn? =p

2007-02-22T21:21:00.000+08:00

shag! =p

Yesterday was fun lolz.
Went to Darren's house at 12, played blackjack =p
pretty mundane game haha
Then went to Erwin's house at bout 2-3
played blackjack ^^ (again!)
Evening went to eat at Aijisen (or somethin like that)
tried their volcano ramen. Wasn't that hot
cept if it goes up the nose =p hahaha

Then after that went to Edmund's place.
No prizes for guessin what we played =p
hahaha
we played blackjack for what was left of the night and into the mornin lolz
Also learned mahjong ^^ friggin addictive game =p
Also had some vodka and some Black Label.
Good stuff! =X

wahahaha
now shag = must sleep
ciaoz!

2007-02-17T01:53:00.000+08:00

Well haven't blogged in a bloody long time.

But here I am!!
And here to wish everyone a belated Valentine's, belated Total Defence Day and a Chinese New Year in advance!
Hmm life is as confusing as it gets.
but I won't get philosiphical (or somethin like that, dang my eng's degrading!! T_T)

School today sucked.
TP sucks!
Exams right smack in the middle of CNY!!
WTFFF!!!
Damn I wanna change my course.
IT is definately not for me.

I would unleash the horrifics of the symbol of the middle finger but I won't.
And you might ask, why?
Because I'm just a really nice guy! =p

A little update.
I cut my hair
so no more emo kid =.=
and dyed it brown
so i look like...........

shit I don't know rofl.

Well gotta go.
2am over here
I ain't tired.
But by the way my mum's screaming at me....... =p
hahaha
Oh well
That's life
and it fucking sucks BIG time.

nitez y'all!
or rather, mornin! =p

2007-01-14T08:03:00.000+08:00

I guess when they say "You never what you got until it's too late", it applies alot to our lives, whether we know it or not.

And this mornin, I just lost my dad.

Right now, I don't really know what to feel.
There's a sense of hatred for him leaving my mum and I,
but there's also a sense of sadness, just a wanting to tell him some stuff on my mind.

But I guess I can't.
Never.
He's gone.

2007-01-02T22:30:00.000+08:00

Noticed I haven't been really blogging for the last coupla weeks.
So much has happened since then, I don't know where to start.

Just had my 2 weeks break, which, like all holidays, pass way too fast.
And well, here's a belated Merry Christmas and a belated Happy New Year.
Sounds wrong -.- oh well.

1st week was like monotonous.
2nd week I had a class chalet on Mon 2 celebrate Christmas
Then a church camp from Wed to Fri.
Those were good times.
And now here I am.
Awaiting the last hours of my so-called "break" before a long term of school begins.
Why do I feel I'm missing something?

I feel so empty and void of life inside.
All the laughs and smiles during the break seemed to have faded away
Leaving me to face my own demise.
ahh I feel like crap.

But oh well, can't run away, might as well just bite the bullet and face it.
Have fun y'all!
Take care!

2006-12-22T01:20:00.000+08:00

You Are a Fortune Cookie

You're a rather normal person, except that you have extraordinary luck in life.
People want to be around you (even when they're a little sick of you), in hopes of being lucky too!

What Kind of Cookie Are You?

Your Kissing Technique Is: Perfect

Your kissing technique is amazing - and you know it.
You have the confidence to make the first move.
And you always seem to know what kissing style is going to work best.
Sometimes you're passionate, sometimes you're a tease. And you're always amazing!

Are You a Good Kisser?

Your Career Type: Enterprising

You are engertic, ambitious, and sociable.
Your talents lie in politics, leading people, and selling things or ideas.

You would make an excellent:

Auctioneer - Bank President - Camp Director
City Manager - Judge - Lawyer
Recreation Leader - Real Estate Agent - Sales Person
School Principal - Travel Agent - TV Newscaster

The worst career options for your are investigative careers, like mathematician or architect.

What's Your Ideal Career?

2006-12-22T00:45:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday to Aaron!

Today went cathy watch Night At The Museum
The show not bad, should go and watch
Then went to Carl Jr for some burgers!
I swear, the burgers were freaking huge!
I'd like to see the macdonalds "big" mac compare to that.
But it's certainly a must try.
B1 at Plaza Singapura ^^
(Or was it B2? Whatever.)
Then went to Cafe Cartell to order a soup of the day, some ice cream and a cuppa coffee. Not to mention freeloading on the free water. LOL
So sat there for bout an hour talkin about a chalet next year. =.=
After that wanted to go to Lot 1 to meet Steven,
but the 190 bus was held up by a fucking traffic jam.
Fuck it. So he had to go 1st.
And I went home, tired and shag.

So officially today, I'm dead broke.
Of course, I should be receiving my allowance early next week
But I got a church camp and a class chalet on the same week.
And both requires money. Lots of it.
I mean, wtf??
I'm fucking broke, and now, all these money eating plans come up.
I'm not sayin it's bad but..
Fuck I wish i had more money.
Damn it.
Moneymoneymoney....... The source of my troubles......

Anyway...
New Year's coming (oh-whoop-pee-do) (Sarcastically)
And there's always the New Year Resolutions.
Fucking lame. But oh well.
Here goes nothing.

1) I resolve to put more effort in my next semester
2) I resolve to make more money
3) I resolve to not gamble so much =X
4) I resolve to not drink so much =X
5) I resolve to not play dota so much =X
6) I resolve to not use "=X" so much -.-
7) I resolve to treat everyone around me with better care and concern
8) I resolve to save the money I make for rainy days
9) I resolve to improve on my drumming
10) I resolve to stop using the word "resolve", since it's bloody overated.

I think that's about it.
I think. lol
Man life sucks
I'm outta here.

Ciaoz

2006-12-17T22:33:00.000+08:00

Morn went church.
Afternoon to evening went to Ambition Education Hub.
I do sense potential there! =D

So now, I'm dead beat.
Tired. Exhausted. Fatiqued.
-Yawn-

Gonna hit the sack.
-Yawns-!!